Author's note (me): This is my submission to NYCMidnight that sponsors a number of writing contests annually. The assigned genre for the 30 in my group was comedy. The scenario had to be The Boardwalk and the object that had to be included was anchor...1000 words max. Comedy, I found, is a bear. It's like "OK now, be really funny." So I tried. What do you think?
The Bruise Heard 'round the World
Help! HELP!
She heard the cry. Somewhere in this city by the sea,
someone was in trouble… and it sounded serious.
Atlantis City had seen its share of lawless days when gangs
of hoodlums prowled the streets making life terrible for the average, law-abiding
citizen. But when gambling came to town to dominate its famed Boardwalk, people
came. It was thought--and promoted in every ad and commercial--that big money
alone would make the place safe even for families.
Not so.
The bad guys just saw this happy occurrence as the opening
of a mile-long smorgasbord that served money, jewelry and vice every night with
roast beef on weekends. Even the millions of dollars the casinos spent to
protect their investments didn’t help. Crime had already made this city the
vacation destination of pickpockets, con men and ‘muscle’ around the world.
If money talks, then Atlantis City was singing an opera
called “Mama Mia, that’s one spicy meatball.” And all the meatballs--er, pigeons,
were served nightly with neon spaghetti. But still they came. Everybody wants
to get rich quick… and “What shakes in Atlantas City, awakes in Atlantas City.”
Capiche?
As Yogi Berra said, “Nobody goes there anymore because it is
too crowded.”
But that infamy is now all in the past… ever since Wonderful
Woman came to town about three years ago. It was amazing really. One night, as
a young family was being robbed at gunpoint, an occurrence that happened all to
often on the Boardwalk, out of the sky came an incredible streak of light and a
flash or brilliance that the city—no, the whole world—would soon know as
WONDERFUL WOMAN!
She was striking in her patriotic red, white and blue skin-tight
spandex costume with a big anchor symbol on its front—“To sink crime for good,”
she later explained. Her flowing dark hair and tall black boots would make any
average citizen and tourist take proud note… and every lawbreaker tremble in
fear.
It was her second appearance to stop the beating of a
‘high-roller’ walking from one casino to another that brought her to national
prominence. “Oh my God, they’re killing
me! HELP…PLEASE HELP!” Again, it was Wonderful Woman to the rescue… out of the
sky to play Whack-A-Mole without having to put in a quarter.
Another time, as a con man’s shill was showing a dozen
curious tourists how easy it was to find the red card on the Three-Card-Monte
makeshift table, Wonderful Woman came out of the crowd to bet a pair of handcuffs.
She won.
It certainly didn’t take her long to put a serious dent in
Atlantis City’s evil side. Nor did it take long for the media scramble to descend.
Every newsperson wants to pluck an exclusive… and Wonderful Woman was a plum
worth picking.
“Wonderful Woman… Wonderful Woman… “they shout as
microphones were thrust in her beautiful face… “Who are you? Where did you come
from? Why are you here? How do you fly? Are you from another planet? Are you a
spy from Russia or China? Does your mom know where you are? Where did you get
your boots (which drew the Women’s Wear Daily reporter boos from her
colleagues), Will you marry me? Etc.”
Wonderful Woman was all “No comment, no comment, no
comment,” but with a wink and a smile that melted every Clark Kent heart and
frosted every Lois Lane who sought the truth… and only the truth.
Then, she raised her arm to the crowd and as they hushed,
she cupped her hand behind her ear to hear a faint cry for help.
With a “Sorry folks, I gotta go,” she took to the sky and
was out of sight before anyone had a chance to say “Just one more question.” It
was the microphone-boy for one of the big “NETS” that summed up all of their
frustrations when he sighed loudly and said “Shucks. Darn it all.”
But the photogs had their front-page pictures, thanks to
their new high-speed cameras. And tomorrow, all the world will know what we
know… which is not much really. But, thank goodness that doesn’t stop today’s
media. Who needs all the facts when you have juicy?
Diligently on the job again and again, Wonderful Woman later
zeros in on a very worried old lady yelling for help. She must be found and
removed from whatever danger faces her. As Wonderful Woman peers down from the
sky between the tall buildings, she can feel the dramatic tension and then sees
her damsel in distress.
“Wonderful Woman! Thank goodness you are here. My cat is
stuck in that tree and only you, Wonderful Woman, can rescue her.”
Wonderful Woman looks at the frightened helpless feline high
in the tree and unashamedly wipes a tear from her eye… “Oh! A kitty! Poor, poor
kitty. Be calm, I’ll rescue you, sweet thing.
“Her name is Princess.”
“Of course. Oh Princess. Hold on sweet darling, Wonderful
Woman is coming.
She leaps into the air and… WHAM! She suddenly flies into
the side of a building…
“Oh no,” Margaret said as she woke with a start to find
herself on the floor, jostled immediately awake. Her side and arm hurt from the
fall. It is only then that she realized she was having her Wonderful Woman
dream … again, when she rolled off her bed and against the wall. She shook her
head as she recalled her dream… and she smiled, grateful that this time, the
only damage was an enormous bruise ‘from here to Hong Kong.’
“Tomorrow night,” Margaret said to herself… “Tomorrow night
Wonderful Woman will rescue that kitty.”
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