Number one and number two (Means what you think.)

Re: number one: Ryanair, a European budget airline, in an effort to boost revenue in a way no one would notice, will be charging passengers $1.60 each time they use the plane's bathroom... (for number one and/or number two, I presume). And to create buyers' demand, it will only have one bathroom on each plane. The other two have been converted into extra seating. (Hmmm. I wonder if they were reconfigured or did they just screw down the lid and attach a seat belt?) Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary, noting average flight time is only about an hour, says "What the hell do we need three toilets for?"

Re: number two: A Texas man called the police on his neighbor because, he told officers, the neighbor used the S-word for excrement in front of his innnocent (italics mine) 13-year-old daughter. The neighbor has been complaining regularly about the caller's cat which leaves feces all over his yard and the caller refuses to do anything about it. The neighbor admitted he used the S-word for cat excrement out of frustration. He was cited for disorderly conduct but, in a jury trial no less, was acquitted.

Said the cat-owning complaitant, "A little piece of America died today. It's a sad day for morality." (This man must be a saint... with a holy cat that calls the neighbor's yard a litter church.)

Dumb crooks, Stupid sounding lawsuits, etc.

"The Human Blockhead," a circus sideshow performer who made a living hammering nails into his nostrils, was sent to prison for killing his abusive stepfather, "The Claw-Handed Lobster Boy." That's show biz, I suppose.

A Utah man sued and was awarded $267 in damages to his car from a couple who had sex on the hood and dented it in.

Prisoners have rights too, you know. One sued another con, the prison barber, for a bad haircut. Another sued the prison over the use of white towels instead of beige. See what happens if you have too much time on your hands.

As police were chasing a fleeing suspect, he began throwing away handfuls of cocaine he had stuffed in his pants. In his haste though, the suspect accidentally unhooked his pants and they fell to his ankles. I guess you could say he was on a cocaine trip, literally and figuratively.

A lonely guy from Michigan pleaded guilty to having sex with a car wash vacuum cleaner. Well that sucks.

A Virginian was convicted of second degree murder in the hatchet slaying of his mother-in-law. He says he mistook her for a raccoon.

A lady, standing on a subway platform holding a neatly wrapped package, was jostled by a man who ripped it from her hand and raced away, laughing triumphantly. The victim was quoted in the newspaper: "Of course, I had to bring a new stool sample the next day."

Enough of this for now.

If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands!

Poor guy...but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. John was a car crash victim who recovered well enough, but was left with a funny... er tragic, lingering side effect. He smiles all the time and talks a mile a minute.  The accident caused brain damage that has left John in a constant state of euphoria. So happily (as usual), he filed a lawsuit... which he won.

The judge found John pleasant enough, but his condition makes him irritatingly repetitive and annoying to be around.  You can bet that with this six-figure award, John laughed all the way to the bank.  

Dumb Crooks & Stupid Sounding Lawsuits

I have always had a love for Dumb Crooks and Stupid Sounding Lawsuits. Thought they represent human nature at its most awry. You often find the best examples in the small print on some back-of-the-paper page, near the bottom...or in some blog, like this one. For example:

A confessed holdup man sued the guy he was holding up for $10,000. Said the victim pulled his own gun, thus endangering his (the crook's) life. Apparently the crook saw this as a "win-win" opportunity. 

Two burglary suspects led police on a 100-mph chase down a Florida interstate. They were finally captured when they stopped at a toll booth to pay 50-cents.

Texas police put out the word that they were looking for a "woman of interest" with a rose tattooed on her left breast. Well, I would guess so... but I think they meant, in relevance to a crime. They got more than they asked for when they received 300 (at last count) calls claiming they knew the woman. Conclusion: Either busy woman or rose-tattooed breasts are big (pun sort-of intended).

Here's one for you: A guy in Kentucky didn't have a nickel for 12-minutes time at a parking meter, so he took a chance anyway. An observant officer, arriving 5-minutes later, cited him for an expired meter, a one-dollar fine. When the officer discovered the parker already owed eight bucks for other parking violations, he had his car towed.

The parker, claiming the officer had no right to have his car towed, sued the city for $150,000 for towing damage to his car. 

The city then counter-sued asking $200,000 in penalties for failure to pay the outstanding eight bucks. 

The officer also sued, asking $350,000 for damage to his reputation.

Finally, the overtime parker sued the officer for $950,000 for the humiliation of having his car towed. 

For the want of a nail...er, nickel, the battle was lost...unless you are a lawyer.

And finally,  for now anyhow, a Missouri man, sentenced to spend "the rest of his natural life in prison," sued the state for his release. He claimed the pacemaker that was implanted in his chest, effectively ended his natural life.