The real post: Why can't we have elected official that really gets things done... like this?

Jayalalithaa Jayaram

Jayalalithaa Jayaram (pronounced any way you want) was in her third term as chief minister in Chennai, India. She was at the blazing height of her popularity. Her party won 37 of the 39 parliamentary seats in this past spring's elections. SHE IS TRULY BELOVED!

The poor have been risen up by the great number of public welfare programs she has introduced... nutritious meals are available for a few pennies and life is much better in her province. She has done so much to make life easier for the lower casts and is held in reverance by all... almost.

Seems Ms Jayaram knows how to stretch a rupee. At a salary of just 1 rupee per month (0.016th a U.S. dollar), she was able to scrape it together and stage an opulent wedding for her foster son for 40,000 guests and then a formal sit-down dinner for 12,800. People were know to say "Amma" (short for Jayalalitha, thank goodness) is God." Jesus fed 5,000 with just 5 loaves and 2 fishes, so maybe they had something there. (Wink, wink God.)

During her term in office, people would regularly stretch face down on the ground and touch her feet. Eat your heart out Mitch McConnell.

So maybe now we have a hint as to why people openly wept when her successor was sworn in to replace "the god" who has been convicted of corruption and sentenced to four years in prison. "Rarely have tears of despair flowed so copiously at a swearing-in ceremony," said one headline.

The new appointee pulled a photo of Amma from her pocked and bowed reverently, then she began to weep. The minister doing the swearing in just 'lost it' and the oath was barely audible.

Amma's people were way more than just sad. There have been 37 self-immolations including a 23-year-old woman who doused herself with gasoline after putting her infant daughters to sleep.

Unfair, you say? One itsy-bitsy wedding and this? Oh, she had also accumulated 660 million rupees during her first term in office and in her grand home, a search revealed more than 10,000 saris, 66 pounds of gold and one gold waist beld studded with 2,380 diamonds, 18 emeralds and nine rubies, to name just a few things. Not bad for making a penny-and-a-half a year stretch. I want that IRA.

After the funeral of the young mother who self-immolated, an official said in an interview that he could fully understand why Amma's admirers might consider suicide. "You see, they do it for love, because of affection."

So, to turn a phrase from one of my favorite movies, Dave, when he asked his secret service watchdog,"Would you light a match take a bullet for me?" it's kinda like that, I suppose. 

Politicians can be forgiven and still revered. We do it all the time. Check out these bad boys we just re-elected. Incumbents win 90 percent of the time.

As for India, people could consider a ban on matches, unless the NRA (National Radical Arson) prevails.

"I vant to be alone." Fat chance Greta!

Greta Garbo

"I vant to be alone" (so she had a sexy accent) was the famous quote many old-time movie buffs remember her by. Greta Garbo (1905-1990), was a reclusive Swedish born movie star and pin-up queen at a time when America fell in love with 'the cinema.' Her sensual, mysterious look made her a hit, both in silent and sound films before World War II.

Indians catching a train ride

Maybe it was easier then, but wanting to be alone just won't cut it today. Just ask Lindsay Lohan, Kate Middleton, J-Lo... or anyone in India... the world is a crowded place... and growing more-so at a rapidly increasing pace.

Russia's 125-mile long traffic jam

Perhaps Russia, with all its enormous land mass, would be a better option. I DON'T THINK SO. Motorists recently had to sit out a week-long, 125-mile-long traffic jam (take that, Los Angeles)... and the weather could be better.

Wyoming? Maybe, but once you've seen all the splendors in nature, what next?

Perhaps one of the Voyager probes nearing outer space could have been an option. Launched in 1973 and traveling at a mere 35,000 miles-per-hour, these two space craft have put more than 11 billion miles between us and them. It takes 17 hours for anything they transmit to reach us. They are so far 'out there' that even Matt Lauer couldn't play "Where in the world... " because they aren't even in our solar system any more....

And their voyage is just beginning.

Now the real kicker: when 'the (hypothetical) kids whine, "Are we there yet? I have to go to the bathroom," the nearest star (not counting our sun) is Alpha Centauri, just 4 1/2 light years further.

"Just cork it kids! I'm going as fast as I can."