Where to find a reason to laugh today: Rule number 1, no clowns... well, maybe just the one below.

 

Editor's precede for perspective: In these somber pandemic and political unrest days, it is hard to find a reason to laugh, and the media pushes it all right in our faces. But thankfully, these are not 'forever days' and the soul must laugh or die a thousand deaths. So keep looking and finding cause. Your life depends on it.

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." Victor Borge

Ever walk down the street with a smile and nod to the stranger(s) walking toward you? Most smile back... not counting the few who think you are an idiot. However, this is absolutely guaranteed to give at least one person--you--a lighter step. And you can be sure it affects a few more than that.

A lighter heart is a free, non-toxic, over-the-counter drug that is good for almost anything that may ail you. The welcome side-effect is that it is infectious.

Here are a few tips to bring a smile and more to your psyche so you can be on your way to a better day.

'The human race has only one effective weapon, and that is laughter." Mark Twain

Below are/were headlines of  real stories from newspapers (what are newspapers?) around the country. Typically, headlines are written, often at the last minute before deadline, by an editor who reads the story quickly then writes the headline to fit the space allotted. The headline capsules the story in just a few words to pique the reader's interest. And some goofy headlines--I personally know this--were written purposely, to elicit a smile and not get fired:

• Include your children when baking cookies
• Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
• police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
• Drunks get nine months in violin case
• Iraqi head seeks arms
• Is there a ring of debris around Uranus? (personal favorite)
• Would-be women priests appeal to pope
  
• Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over
• Teacher strikes idle kids
• Clinton wins budget; more lies ahead
• Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
• Miners refuse to work after death
• Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
• Stolen painting found by tree
• Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout line
• War dims hope for peace
• If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while
• Couple slain; police suspect homicide
• Man struck by lightning faces battery charge
• New study of obesity looks for large test group
• Astronaut takes blame for gas in space
• Kids make nutritious snacks
• Local high school dropouts cut in half
• Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead

"Seven days without laughter makes one weak." Mort Walker

Then there is the old 'pie in the eye' thing, more popular years ago, that shows comedians Laurel and Hardy setting a world record you won't believe: more than 3,000 pies in the face! That always used to get a laugh, right up there with the banana peel on the sidewalk... today replaced with some home video of a trick going awry with some object smacking into a man's crotch on America's Funniest Videos. I guess today we just demand something more sophisticated. 

"Maturity is the bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything." Kurt Vonnegut

Are we so somber today that monkeys have a richer sense of humor than we do? Primates don't just laugh, they crack jokes.

Koko, a famed gorilla who died a short while back at age 47, knew sign language and had a 2,000 word vocabulary. When she was asked, "what can you think of that's hard? She signed "rock" and "work." Another time, she tied her trainer's shoelaces together and signed "Chase." That's a true story. Ask Wikipedia.

Why do waiters like gorillas better than flies? Have you ever heard a customer complain "Waiter, there's a gorilla in my soup!"

"Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." Friedrich Nietzsche

Obviously Nietzsche didn't know Koko, but his quote is mostly accurate. 

The greatest cause for laughter is when you look in the mirror. It is you. I remember the last time I changed the oil in my car. (Hint: it was also the first time.) I was cleaning and waxing my first car, a '54 Chevy coupe, and thought I'd save myself a few dollars and change the oil. All went incredibly well until I leaned over the front of the engine to pour the in new oil and noticed that my feet were starting to slip out from under me.

Seems like I missed step no. 3: Be sure to put the cap back onto the oil reservoir before refilling.

And that is the closest I ever came to car repair.

"Comedy is defiant. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale." Will Durst

Chuckles the Clown of the old Mary Tyler Moore show was eulogized at his death by Mary who remembered his favorite line: "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in your pants." It is the epitome of how laughter and crying are spun from the same emotion. You can decide here if it makes you smile or cry. Or, I'm betting, laughing out loud.

"If you want to make others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." Dalai Lama

I'm a Cubs fan (why are you laughing, I haven't got to the punch line yet) but I couldn't exclude this little story for a laugh: 

A Chicago first grade teacher admits to her class that she is a die-hard Cubs fan. She asks her class if they are Cub fans too. Most, perhaps not really knowing what being a Cub fan is but wanting to please their teacher, raise their hands. All, that is, except one young lady in the back row.

"Then what are you?" the teacher asks. 

"I'm a Chicago White Sox fan," the girl says.

The teacher, taken aback, because that's how Cub fans are, asks why she is a White Sox fan.

"My dad and mom are White Sox fans and I am too."

 "Well, if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?"

"Then," says the girl, "I'd be a Cub fan."

"Laughter is a gift from God which requires a different kind of thank you note." Me

How important is laughter? It's important enough that most television comedy sitcoms have laugh tracks. I thought this was demeaning to the viewer so I started to blog about that. It was then, I discovered, it really does have a place. And here's why

"Laughter is like a windshield wiper. It doesn't stop the rain but it allows us to keep going" Somebody smart.

True confession: I've been blogging for about 12 years now and have posted more than 800 times, so many that I sometimes actually forget what I've written. Some of this post is repurposed. To see all I've written about, check the links that run beside my blog and have a look. I often make myself laugh but how about you, out of sympathy perhaps. 

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants... and why not?

Premise for this post: With the coronavirus upon us all, the stock market in free-fall, global warming eating us from the inside out, the ugly, ugly political rhetoric and the total disrespect we are seeing among us, it is way past time for something a little lighter.

Remember the Mary Tyler Moore show?
It made us laugh for the seven years between 1970-'77.  (Look, it wasn't my fault you were born later!)

This scene, called by many as one of the best comedic sitcom moments ever, is of the memorial for a co-worker, Chuckles the Clown who, while dressed as a peanut, was killed by a hungry elephant.

If you have 4 1/2 minutes to feel richer, here is that scene.


"She (Mary Tyler Moore) only wanted to play a great character (Mary Richards) and she did," said The New York Times in her obituary. (She died at 80.) "That character also happened to be single, female, over 30, professional, independent and not particularly obsessed with getting married. Mary had America facing such issues as equal pay, birth control and sexual independence way back in the '70s." She won 4 of her 7 Emmys in that role. And she had the perfect supporting cast filling her newsroom.

From the Better Late than Never Department:

An aboriginal tribe with a cannibalistic background recently reached out with an apology to heirs of a man their ancestors had eaten in the late 1800s. (True.) They also promised that they would remove that recipe from their cookbook. (You do know I just made that last part up right?)

But in the end, what is funny to one very likely is not funny to everyone... one size does not fit all. But it's always worth a try.
HUMOR IQ TEST

Read these short paragraphs from an actual newspaper contest where entrants, age 4 to 15,  were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey, a former Saturday Night Live writer of years back and tell me you didn't laugh or smile more than once.

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than the four  basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. (Age 15)

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. (Age 13)

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. (Age 13)

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. (Age 6)

I once heard the voice of God. He said "Vroommm." Unless it was just a lawn mower. (Age l1)

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. (Age 15)

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the presidents' birthdays, like they do for the queen's. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3rd or December 26th, just for the long weekends. (Age 8)

Answer key: If you laughed or smiled at some of these, you probably passed and are "life-ready." If you didn't, then be an actuary. (Oops, sorry all my actuary friends, I meant be an accountant.)

You know, I want these kids in my world because if you can't see humor, it's a tougher life for you and those you touch.

As the real Jack Handey explains, "Maybe to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind: Basically, it's made up of two separate words, mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."

Sometimes funny and real are hard to separate.

Things that amaze me most... Part IV

OK, I'm cheating. It's been too long since I put out a new post but I thought you deserved better. So here's a favorite of mine from 2010... still true, still vital to a better life. Enjoy this now, I have a doozie coming up in the next few days.

From November, 2010
As I told you before, there are a number of things/events/emotions that absolutely blow-my-mind because they are so introspectively amazing and give me a deeper sense of awe. So I made a list of the things that amaze me most... some big, some small, some acts, some things... but all, in my mind, amazing.  So far:

Part I:    THE PACIFIC OCEAN
Part II:   BIG NUMBERS
Part III: THE YOUNG: Babies, toddlers and teens

Part IV:  LAUGHTER: A peek into the soul

I'm a sucker for this one. It's not only laughter, which offers a peek into an individual's soul.... it's the power of a smile, the lighter heart, the joy of living. The world is a serious place... no one gets out alive. But to live on a globe half-empty makes time spent a tough slog when compared to the joy to be had on a globe half-full. Laughter is just one very public indication of a person trying to keep in balance with life's ups and downs.

Ever walk down the street with a smile and nod to the strangers walking toward you? Most smile back... not counting the few who think you are an idiot. However, this is absolutely guaranteed to give at least one person--you--a lighter step. And you can be sure it affects a few more than that.

For something to be funny, it only has to amuse one person... you. Anything after that is a bonus. Example: Comedian Emo Phillips said, "I used to think that the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. But then I realized, Well... look what's telling me that!" See how happy that made me?

Do you know a person can actually die of a broken heart? (Check out the Mayo Clinic's take on broken-heart syndrome.) There is unhappiness in life and we have to deal with it best we can. Then, there are other times... lots more of them... that better defines us.

A lighter heart is a free, not-toxic, over-the-counter drug that is good for almost anything that may ail you. The welcome side-effect is that it is infectious.

Robin Williams tells this story: Bono was performing a benefit in Scotland before a crowded house. He started slowly clapping his hands and told his audience, "Every time I clap my hands, an elephant dies in Africa!" A man in the back row stood up and hollered, "THEN FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, STOP CLAPPING YOUR HANDS!"  See?

A sense of humor represents more 'life in balance' than almost anything else because it comes from the reflection of the world as seen through your eyes. Carry a grudge... seek revenge... harbor hate... see seven shades of gray... fail to appreciate life's delights? Then my friend, I'm sad for you because you only have one crack at it.

Live life to your principles... WITH GUSTO!  What that does for the soul... that is something that amazes me most.  

Elsie had it right: (with thanks to Fred Ebb and John Kander who created the song and Lisa Minelli who made it come alive in Cabaret.)

What good is  sitting alone in your room?

Come hear the music play.

Life is a Cabaret, old chum,

Come to the Cabaret.

Put down the kniting,

The book and the broom.

Time for a holiday.

Life is a Cabaret, old chum,

Come to the Cabaret.

Come taste the wine,

Come hear the band.

Come blow a horn,

Start celebrating;

Right this way,

Your table's waiting.

No use permitting

Some prophet of doom

To wipe every smile away.

Come hear the music play.

Life is a Cabaret, old chum,

Come to the Cabaret!

I used to have a girlfriend

Known as Elsie,

With whom I shared

Four sorid rooms in Chelsea.

She wasn't what you'd call

A blushing flower...

As a matter of fact

She rented by the hour.

The day she died the neighbors

Came to snicker:

Well that's what comes

From too much pills and liquor.

But when I saw her laid out

Like a Queen,

She was the happiest corpse

I'd ever seen.

I think of Elsie to this very day,

I remember how she'd turn to me and say:

What good is sitting alone

In your room?

Come hear the music play.

Life is a Cabaret, old chum,

Come to the Cabaret.

Put down the knitting,

The book and the broom.

Time for a holiday.

Life is a Cabaret, old chum,

Come to the Cabaret.

As for me,

I made my mind up back in  Chelsea,

When I go, I'm going like Elsie.

Start by admitting,

From cradle to tomb

Isn't that long a stay.

Life is a Cabaret, old chum,

Only a Cabaret, old chum,

And I love a Cabaret.

If all the world had a laugh track, nothing would be funnier than elevator music... Aunt Minnie's funeral... the Cubs losing... slipping on a banana peel (wait, that's already funny)...

Nothing makes me feel more duped than to listen to the laugh track behind the Big Bang Theory or even I Love Lucy and think laughing was my idea.

On the other hand, if the whole world had a laugh track, Donald Trump would have us laying in the aisles. (I know, not funny but I... ha ha ha... just can't... ha ha ha... help myself.)

So after all these years of bitter--but hilariously funny--resentment over this fake, not even realistic laughter that starts at the same moment and stops as if someone put a giant hand over the audience's collective mouth, sometimes at the right spot, most often trying to make something unfunny, funny, I sought to understand more.

Well, I did. Here's the skinny:

Charles "Charlie" Douglass, a sound engineer with CBS Radio after World War II, is the man who invented the laugh track. So who can get too mad about a guy who helped develop shipboard radar systems for the Navy, no doubt saving many lives.

Before television--in 1948 there were only 100,000 televisions in the United States--audiences often experienced comedy listening to the radio or watching live performances as part of a studio audience. Live audiences didn't always laugh in the right places or at the correct moment. So when the show was broadcast, crowd reactions often went amiss or just weren't that funny. It was a problem for the producers and listeners/watchers alike.

Want to see what I mean? Watch just a few minutes of this Big Bang Theory episode filmed on a sound stage with no audience and see what you think. The laugh track or sound augmentation has been stripped away. Not much fun, right?

If a joke did not get the desired chuckle, Douglass added appropriate laughter. If a live audience laughed too long, he gradually muted the laughter. This was known in the industry as "sweetening" to get a "just right" response.

Comedian Milton Berle

Comedian Milton Berle, listening to a post-production editing session, felt a joke he told fall flat. After Douglas inserted a laugh, Berle said, "See? I told you it was funny."

 

Soon, Douglass was simulating the audience response for Bewitched, The Munsters, Beverly Hillbillies, The Andy Griffith Show, The Brady Bunch and more. While this augmentation was controversial at the onset, it soon became standard practice. His "laff box" was kept secret at first. It actually was a box, about 2 feet tall and operated like an organ. The device was padlocked so his technique could not be known. Few in the industry ever witnessed Douglass at work. The 'laff box" actually turned up in a 2010 episode of Antiques Roadshow to be valued at $10,000.

Today, it is a digital device about the size of a laptop with a great many more laughs and other human sounds. The technique has evolved... though sometimes, not for the better because no matter how much laughter, some things are still turkeys.

But I am now a believer of the need--though not every imposed laugh track fits my taste or worse, works to milk a lame situation--laughter is worth it. It still bothers me to be instructed when to laugh. But then again, laughter is always worth it.  

Wonder where the quote "Laugh and the world laughs with you... " comes from? Read on and be in awe.

It was poet Ella Wheeler Wilcox, born in 1850, who knew, even that far back, what is really important in life. Her poem "Solitude"  resonates through time and seems to have special relevance today. Here's her first few lines for you sluggards who will read no further, but do yourself a favor and read the whole poem below and take it to heart. It's worth it.

Solitude

Related Poem Content Details

BY ELLA WHEELER WILCOX

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone;

For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,

But has trouble enough of its own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air;

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go;

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all,—

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a large and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

Where has all the humor gone?

Robin Williams... the best!

Where has all the humor gone? Are we so busy worrying that we don't have time to laugh anymore or even think funny thoughts?

Chuckles the Clown of the old Mary Tyler Moore was eulogized as Mary remembered by his favorite line: "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in your pants." Funny or not? I dare you to decide here.

Biggest problem is, to think funny you can't be mad or angry all the time... like most of us seem to be.

The earth is warming, death and killings seem to call for more guns just in case we have to shoot or kill someone ourselves, the stock market controls too many lives, bad guys have all the power of today's killer technology and a mere handful can do more damage than the atomic bomb, omnipresent politics are more divisive than ever, wars never end, refugees flood the earth, the rich get richer, the poor struggle every day, the Congress we elected is one of our least trusted bodies with a primary goal to get reelected... and after all that, we die.

Is that all there is?

Where is the balance? Have we tuned out human nature? We the people... are human... and funny. Sometimes funny ha ha, some times funny stupid. Sometimes they laugh at us, sometimes we laugh at ourselves. I think we have become somberly focused on every negative aspect--real or imagined--that permeates our minds.

In my former life as a magazine publisher, I wrote a column called For Your Information that began in 1962 and continued monthly through 1996. It was a lighthearted attempt to lift spirits and laugh at ourselves. What could be richer than that. I had a section in every column called "Dumb Crooks" and later added "... and Stupid Sounding Lawsuits." It was the best read feature in the magazine and generated the greatest reader response. People love to laugh... they just sometimes forget.

Way before anyone else, I started a trend that resulted in books, stories and television specials of the stupid things we do. Today, Chuck Shepherd has picked up the theme in his News of the Weird that regularly appears in a delightful 24-page monthly newspaper, Funny Times. If you think you might actually enjoy funny news and cartoons (both political and human nature-filled), do yourself a favor and check it out.

Here are a few examples of how funny (and/or stupid and/or ironic or just plain ridiculous) we can be in real life:

• A Nebraska man is in prison for shooting his girlfriend with a pistol. The 22 caliber bullet cut right through her tattoo that read, "Happiness Is A Warm Gun."
• Car-jacking isn't as easy as it seems. When the thief ripped-off the ar of a handicapped driver, he didn't know how to use the hand controls. So he got out of the car and handed the wheel-chair bound victim the keys, then stripped off his ski mask and said, "Just kidding." 
• A woman from Arkansas is suing her college for a classroom exercise of 'musical chairs' that went wrong. She claims in her suit that the game was played wrong because the instructor had asked her and two other students to play with only one chair. The resulting game scramble that ensued, she claimed, cost her two broken fingers and forced her into "years" of surgery and physical therapy. She asserted that "everyone knows Musical Chairs should be two chairs for three people." She asks for $75,000.
• In Australia, a man about to board a 14 hour flight to Vienna was stopped by authorities who discovered he had 35 geckos under his clothes, all taped to his skin. Sounds like the kind of guy I get stuck next to on a plane.
• A recent demonstration of 100 people outside Britain's Parliament to protest legislation to curb psychoactive drugs, passed out gas-filled balloons containing nitrous oxide--laughing gas. The demonstration turned funny as the group took hits from their balloons and "erupted in fits of laughter."
• From the 'New Product' department: A Yom Kipur workaround for "fasting" coffee addicts: caffeine suppositories.
• Extensive research by Animal Behaviour Science magazine cautions pet owners that they may be petting their cats all wrong! Felines seem to prefer face-caressing, especially between the eyes and ears, and are negatively aroused by tail-petting, especially at the base.
• The Welsh language is such a severe mutation of the original English spoken in the Middle Ages that it is barely distinguishable from Klingon. In fact, the Welsh government, responding to queries about a possible UFO sighting near Cardiff airport, playfully issued its galaxy-friendly response in Klingon: "jang dvlDa je due luq." And if you wish to say "I cannot understand in Welsh," simply respond "nad oes modd i ddeall Cymraeg."
• In Arkansas, a man representing himself on a disorderly conduct charge was found guilty. So he took down his pants and mooned the judge. Not one to take a joke, the judge added 5 months for each cheek.

So seriously, laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone, or worse yet, go to jail for 10 months. Sure cure for the frown, the always funny, never blue Funny Times web page

Try not to take yourself so seriously. There's always someone worse off than you.