Something my 98-year-old mother taught me before she died: A primer on how better to live.

She was with the world, though feeble. She made us laugh and lived believing "into each life, a little rain must fall." 

"You know that story, 'Into your arms I will fall and there I will happily die' ?"

"Yes, mom. I remember," I answered because it made her happy.

"Well, she said, looking straight at me. "That's a lot of crap!"

Mom had a way with words. When she was 89, I dropped in one morning for coffee and noticed with some delight, a finished crossword puzzle sitting on her side of the table. Looking closer, I saw the first answer was not correct. Then, I saw a few more, then a lot more. 

"Mom," I asked, "there are some wrong answers here."

"I didn't say it was right," she told me, "I said it was done." 

Mom had a smile for everyone she passed, would stop and talk if she detected an opening. To her dying day, she could remember almost anyone she met when she saw them again, though she did have a propensity to tell the same story she heard or read, every 15 minutes or so. And therein, the lesson:

She was beloved because she was lovable. Never had an enemy except for that darned newspaper boy who would always put the plastic tie from his paper bundle into her convenient garbage can. "I think he's stalking me," she believed.

But the key was her smile. She would smile at the drop of a hat... and people would smile back. Is that the key to a better world? I wouldn't be surprised.

So is it a curse that gives us a pandemic to be best fought behind a mask? Love the mask/hate the mask... but wear the mask because it works... or not, says 'Karen.'

In our most hostile world of today, the collateral damage seems that every smile behind the mask is a smile that has no place to go, no return smile to see. And we desperately need that.

According to VeryWellMind.com promoting trusted mental health information, "Many see smiling simply as an involuntary response to things that bring you  joy or inspire laughter. While that is certainly true, it overlooks an important point: Smiling can be a conscious, intentional choice. It appears that whether your smile is genuine or not, it can act on your body and mind in a variety of positive ways, offering benefits for your health, your mood, and even the moods of people around you."

Smiling, it tells us...

• Helps you live longer
• Relieves stress
• Elevates mood
• Is contagious
• Boosts the immune system
• May lower blood pressure
• Reduces pain
• Makes you attractive
• Suggests success
• Helps you stay positive

Have you noticed, as I have, that in the super market, on the street or anywhere, people are not as genial or conversational or nodding as they were before the pandemic... before the mask. Oh, they may still smile but who can see it. The eyes don't convey a smile very well. That's the lips' job. and a whole face reveal. Besides, we are more concerned about maintaining those six-feet between us.

But of course, first things first... the pandemic, then, God willing, normal... whatever that may be.  "One for all and all for one"... wouldn't it be nice? We beat this thing then the smiles will come back because that's human nature. And, we will have one more reason to smile. We saved lives, we won. It is tomorrow.

So you say not wearing a mask is swell? Well, if that's you, then you probably don't smile that much anyway. Not wearing a mask appears to make you defiant, falsely proud, determined to strut "your legal rights," etc ... but those things don't create smiles. They create snarls or a firm-lipped resolve.

Visible or not, smilers still smile and show it. Even animals show 'happy.' (This information came from The New York Times monthly special segment for the young.)

• Octopuses change color to blend in to their surroundings, but when they are relaxed and happy, they fade to white.
• Kestrels (of the falcon species) says one expert 'fancier.' "When released, they soar high to the sky and then tumbling down, stopping just feet above the ground--over and over and over."
• Belugas  blow bubbles.
• Elephants wag their tails. 
• Dogs and cats... of course.
• Orangutans do it best. They just crack up. Well, we do share 97 percent of our DNA sequence so maybe through their evolution... and ours also, we smile.

 

"WELL I'LL BE A MONKEY'S UNCLE!"

Happy early Mother's Day mom. You were great!

Is someone with a No.2 pencil smile happier than someone with a No. 4 pencil smile. Most certainly yes... a No. 4 pencil is harder.

... And that's a fact! But both pencil smiles will help you "get it."

There is 'biting' scientific research that says if you are looking at *Gary Larson's The Far Side cartoons with a pencil between your teeth forcing a smile, you will naturally smile more at the same cartoon than the control group that doesn't have a pencil between their teeth. So. Yes, biting--as with a pencil between your teeth--WILL naturally compel you to really smile more naturally and enjoy what makes you smile better than those who smile randomly, so say the statistical nerds.

This scientific finding for many years has come under question lately when the results could not be duplicated, but even then, few have debunked the concept that a smile is still magic to a better, less hateful world.  And if it takes a pencil to make a smile, so be it.

But really, all of us know there are some in the world who do not smile, or joke or laugh often or never. That begs the question: How do they get by in today's world when even the ridiculous sometimes just has to be laughable. And follow-up question: How difficult is it to get along with them. (Listening Mr. President?)

*And now, the big reveal... and the reason I actually wrote this blog: Rumor has it, THE FAR SIDE cartoon by Gary Larson is coming back! There is none funnier.

 

After 20 years, The Far Side returns... we hope. Take that Rip Van Winkle

Side note: My California sister and I were driving through San Francisco's Golden Gate Park years ago and noticed a large number of cars in the de Young Museum parking lot. Curious on what was on display, we saw it was a showing of Gary Larson's The Far Side cartoons, so we stopped, of course. As we walked through the display of hundreds of his cartoons, we would hear a laughter from the other side of the room... then from behind us... then to our right and then to our left. In fact, the room was filled with continued laughter scattered here and there as a cartoon had struck a viewer funny. 

It was the most amazing thing of this scale that I had ever witnessed and a happy time was shared by all. Hundreds of laughs from the viewers filling the somber museum space with laughs and smiles from those listening as we laughed too, dozens of times. Yes, for those unfamiliar, The Far Side IS that funny. Google it now for a non-pencil smile... or put a pencil between your teeth and enjoy it even more. The the only question you might have is, "Are they laughing with you... or at you?"