IT'S A MIRACLE! ... or so it seems. Three incredible, unrelated occurrences that you'd never believe were even possible, just happened!

Still think he looks like Stan Laurel

In your wildest dreams these 3 things happened and are hard to believe. But they happened! They really happened!

1: Credit Pope Francis, a man who knows miracles by profession, for the first seemingly miraculous revelation.

The Pope, whose word is seen by Catholics as the word of God, professed, in 'Francisco' a film about his life: 

"Homosexuals have the right to be part of the family. One doesn't have to believe in God to go to heaven. They are children of God and have a right to a family. Nobody should be thrown out, or be made miserable because of it."

This news should, it is believed, send an undeniable message to Catholic families with LGBTQ people, that all family members are deserving of acceptance and support. 

To that, I add, "Amen."

Pope Francs also assured atheists, "You don't have to believe in God to go to heaven." In a written open letter responding in a non-Catholic owned newspaper, La Repubblica, he wrote, "You ask me if the God of the Christians forgives those who don't believe and who don't seek the faith. I start by saying--and this is the fundamental thing--that God's mercy has no limits if you go to him with a sincere and contrite heart. The issue for those who do not believe in God is to obey their conscience. Sin, even for those who have no faith, exists when people disobey their conscience." 

Earlier, Pope Francis signaled a more progressive attitude on sexuality asking, ( Best quote ever: ) "If someone is gay and looking for the Lord, who am I to judge him?

God, er, I mean Gosh, I love this Pope. One small step... one giant leap.

Depiction of landing on asteroid Bennu

  2: OSIRUS-REX is the name of the NASA mission  that sent a spacecraft from earth, 200 million miles into the heavens. to actually land on a carbon-rich asteroid named Bennu. (Asteroids are fragments of the early solar system, largely unchanged since they formed 4.5 billion years ago.) The spacecraft has already landed safely but--now get this--is collecting dust and specks of what the surface may hold--which we can see as it is happening with the camera on the spacecraft--and will return to earth with its collection in 2023.

The findings could provide us with an understanding of the building blocks of life on earth.

Here's the take-away on this: We, the people of earth, have actually figured what might be 'out there', what we may find, send a spacecraft millions of miles and actually land on target, all the while with both earth and Bennu moving disproportionally through space at thousands of miles per hour, collect samples of the surface and return to earth for us to analyze and understand how we happened to be. That is 'mind-blowing' unbelievable incredible. 

Are we super intelligent or not? Before you answer, ask, Do we wear a face mask or not? Heaven help us if we can solve so many answers about the universe but still can't put the toilet seat down, agree on anything... or, whatever. 

3. Scientists stretch every absolute boundary of the measurement of time and space while we marvel at what seemingly can't be, but is. 

Today, we know know the smallest fragment of time ever measured:  One trillionth of a billionth of a second. That is the timing of changes in an atom in zeptoseconds (That sounds made up but it's not. A zeptosecond is a decimal point followed by 20 zeros and a 1, like this: 0.000000000000000000001). 

There is, in theory, a yoctosecond, a septillionth of a second. And then there is Planck time where things start to get really ridiculous. Divide that into one second and you realize how fast you'd have to be with a stopwatch just to time it.

If we ever got this on an NBA scoreboard, the last 3 minutes of an NBA game could take lifetimes. On the brighter side, that would be called commercial heaven.

The beneficiary of all this... quantum computing and superconductivity, whatever those are.

This all goes back to Albert Einstein who supposed that this, theoretically, was out there. Science has now proved him right once again. What a brain! (ednote: I saw that brain in the Muter Museum in Philadelphia where all good brains must go.)

All old measures are now passe. So much for the old Catholic question posed by nuns to open-minded little children: 

How many angels could fit on the head of a pin? Answer: An infinite number. Heck, rumor has it that Chuck Norris was so tough and all-accomplished that one time he counted to infinity... twice.

Ever want to thank all the little people who helped you climb that ladder to the top? And other stuff too.

Ever want to thank 'all the little people' who have helped you get to the top? Well, here they are.

Thank you little people. And that takes care of that.

Super Bowl ad from 2012

Gonna watch Superbowl 49? (Looks a lot less important written that way, right?) The best parts of the 72 hour +/- telecast are, let's face it, the commercials and half-time. Oh, sometimes there is a football game or a scandal, but ads and half-time, now those are for real. And so is the reported price of a last-minute ticket: $8,000!

This year, a 30 second ad spot costs $4.5 mil--a mere $150,000 a second--and there are 15 new advertisers plus a waiting list. The ads, however, offer a solution to every problem, like Doritoto-itis or Budweiser Belly. Well, not EVERY problem... I'm still looking for a flat, brown 42-inch shoelace. Hard as one is to find, it is easier to find two for $3.95. So I want--and think I  DESERVE--a Superbowl shoelace commercial. And believing in advertising, Acme Shoelaces would only have to sell an estimated 4.5 million to come out even. But when you are building a brand like "Acme Shoelaces: the only laces with both a right and left for the discriminating tier," the big deal, of course, would be the repeat business. 

Pope Francis and God

Then I cleverly segue into this Pope Francis Joke:  

Pope Francis was a beloved cardinal in Argentina. He gave up all his worldly possessions. He gave up his house to live in a tiny apartment. He gave up his car to ride the bus. You know what that means? Right now every divorced guy is saying, "I could have been Pope." 

And if you ask me, Pope Francis looks an awfully lot like Stan Laurel of Laurel and Hardy and that classic dance they did. 

ABSOLUTE PROOF: Dogs go to heaven... but what about cats?

Dog in Heaven

As all good Catholics know,  Popes are infallible on matters of faith. If the Pope says it, God has a rubber stamp on His paperwork that says "OK by Me."

Ergo (I always wanted to use that word in a sentence), Pope Francis and Pope Paul VI both said dogs go to heaven. So they do.

“Paradise is open to all of God’s creatures," Pope Francis said.

“One day we will see our pets in the eternity of Christ,” Pope Paul VI told a disconsolate boy in 1978.

Billy Graham, when asked by a little girl whose dog had died that week whether her pet would be in Heaven, replied, “If it would make you any happier, then yes, he will be." He later explained "God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there."

"But, you say, "Is that all there is?" (From another fabulous song by Peggy Lee as in my last post. Do yourself a favor and watch her sing it.)

Oh, there is more, much more proof: Author Mitch Albom who has written a number of 'best sellers' including The Five People You Meet in Heaven and his latest, The First Phone Call from Heaven should know if anyone does... but don't take his word for it.

I got the SECOND phone call from heaven. Yes, it was from God.

"Hi Jerry. This is God."

"Oh, hi God. This is really a surprise."

"Well, if my guy, Pope Francis calls regular people, so can I. By the way Jerry..."

Then I heard all this barking in the background and could barely hear God.

"SHUT UP DOGS, I'M ON THE LAND LINE (of course) WITH JERRY!" 

And it became instantly quiet.

"Oh my God, God... oops, sorry... "

"No problemo, Jerry. If I can part the Red Sea, I can surely train these billions of dogs up here with a clicker. I will say though, it took longer than I thought. Where is Cesar Milan when I need him?"

"I thought he died just recently."

"Don't believe everything see on the internet, My son."

"So there ARE dogs in heaven, right?"

"Of course."

"May I say 'Hi' to Snert and Hagar and Gretchen and Alix?"

"You want to do it personally?

"Uh, not today God, OK?"

"Ha ha. Good one Jerry. OK, we'll save that for later."

"Whew!

"Hey Jerry, I gotta run now. It's my turn in Stratego. I'm playing Julius Caeser, Napoleon, McArther and Alexander the Great. Bonaparte is cheating, but we all know it and there is a lot of kidding going on. Just wanted to say 'Hi'."

"Wait God... are there cats in heaven too?"

"Oh, sure, but I gave them even free-er will so not even God knows... I mean I don't even know what goes on in that brain of theirs. See ya later, Jerry."

"You got it God... Oh, wait a second... God, when you say 'later,' what do you mean?

Click. bzzzzzzzz

"God? GOD?

So, straight from The Horse's mouth, so to speak, great news for those of you who have experienced one too many sad trips to the Rainbow Bridge, we'll all be together soon enough. Hmmm, I wonder if God lets Alix on His couch?

So tell me I'm nuts, but...

Stan Laurel (left) and Oliver Hardy

... don't you think that Pope Francis and Stan Laurel of Laurel and Hardy are the same person? (Hey, it's a miracle! And a pope only needs three--not counting card tricks--to be considered for sainthood.)

Pope Francis (aka Stan Laurel, I think)

It's no wonder that the world loves Pope Francis.

After he was selected as the next pope, his first order of business was to personally pay his hotel bill and move into a more modest Vatican guest house instead of the opulent and sprawling papal apartment.

He said helping the poor will be a central focus of his priesthood... and he asked priests and nuns not to drive flashy cars. He drives a Ford Focus (though not the one with the Domino's Pizza delivery sign on top).

He also said, "If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?"

The Catholic Church, he says, has been too focused on abortion, gay marriage and contraception and seeks to find a "new balance" to deliver the message.

This pope has even made phone calls to common people, of all things. "Hi Bill, this is Pope Francis but you can call me Frank. How's it goin'?" (I totally made that up, but he did make a call or two... unheard of in the strict order of the office.)

Of course, six months does not make a Popedom, but people like this guy.

All of which begs the question: Is the Pope Catholic?