And they call the wind Maria... I don't think so!

Away out here they got a name
For rain and wind and fire
The rain is Tess, the fire Joe,
And they call the wind Maria*

... and don't tell me you weren't singing the tune as you read the verse. Well, that's a fun wind... like, "ha ha, look at my cow, blowing away with milk coming out her nose" fun. We make up romantic songs to those winds.

I tell you friend, that is such a sissy wind compared to some. Ever been to the top of Mt. Washington in New Hampshire? It stands just 6,300 feet above sea level (Mt. Everest is at 29,000 feet), but because it sits in the path of three major storm tracks and has a few other geological factors thrown in, Mt. Washington has some of the hardest-blowing winds ever recorded, often exceeding 100 mph! As a fact, a big wind almost blew my step-daughter off the mountain (seriously) when she was visiting there as a little girl.

A category 5 hurricane-- the kind that destroyed New Orleans-- exceeds 155 mph and you know what that can do. Now let's push the envelope... winds over 200 mph. Actually, for Mt. Washington, that is not even rare. It once held the measured wind speed record of 231 mph. 

How strong is a 200 mph wind? If you were lining up against 6' 4", 260-pound Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears, it would be like hitting cotton candy compared to "the big wind." Nobody goes out in the big wind.

Tropical Cyclone Olivia, which tore across the Indian Ocean in 1995, had winds measuring 253 mph... the highest ever recorded on earth! 

If the rain is Tess, the fire Joe,
We'll call this wind @#%&*!!ier (has to rhyme with Fire, sort-of).

*Soundtrack and Lyrics from Paint Your Wagon"

World record!

Actor Warren Beatty has had affairs with Diane Keaton, Leslie Caron, Julie Christie, Joan Collins, Natalie Wood, Madonna, Liv Ullmann, Twiggy, Mary Tyler Moore, Jane Fonda... and a lot more really big notables, according to biographer Peter Biskind in his new book, Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America... enough for a very impressive life, if that's how score is kept.

But, at almost 73, does he remember who has a dimple here, a tattoo there, a birthmark in some funny place? If so, how does he keep the details straight? Well, he probably doesn't... because this new autobiography calculates he has had affairs with 12,775 women... enough to fill New York's Radio City Music Hall (right) --twice... not counting the Rockettes, of course.... and the daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings and stolen kisses were not included in this number! (I didn't make that up.) 

World Record? I hardly think so.

How could you forget one of the most famous basketball players of all time, Wilt Chamberlain? Sure, Wilt scored 100 points in an NBA game once but, according to his count, that hardly measured up to the 20,000 women he said he 'scored' before he died at age 64. (To add scope to that stat, if the number 20,000 represented days, that would be almost 55 years... so Wilt must have been a very busy man. He was, by the way, a lifelong bachelor, which is understandable since he certainly wouldn't have had time for a wife.)

"The point of using the number," Wilt said, "was to show that sex was a great part of my life as basketball was a great part of my life." I guess! He also said, "With all of you men out there who think that having a thousand different ladies is pretty cool, I have learned in my life... that having one woman a thousand different times is much more satisfying." And who of us mere mortals could know enough to deny that? Wilt is probably one of the very few to speak from experience... oh, and Warren.