Why the 5 most important words an athlete can say after the big game are: "WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!"

"WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!"

Of course you are. It's a great paying gig for any BM/WOC (Big man/woman on campus) that almost everyone knows. Super Bowl's Most Valuable Player usually gets an offer to make a quick buck by promoting Disney World. This year, it was Q.B. Tom Brady and his buddy, tight end Rob Gronkowski who pocketed big dollars. Rumor has it Brady got quite a bit, possibly as much as $300,000... plus half price on all tickets (kidding).

Here's something you may not know: It was quarterback Phil Simms of the New York Giants who won Super Bowl XXI in 1987 that was the first paid to say that phrase. He received $75,000... and so did loosing quarterback John Elway of the Denver Broncos, because when the Disney contract was signed before the game, the winning team was not known, so Disney was ready either way. The one exception is that Elway, as the loser, was not committed to go. That's what I call easy money.

However the first to actually say that phrase was Dick Rutan, who, with Jeana Yeager in December of 1986, piloted the first aircraft to circle the globe without stopping or refueling, in 9 days. While dining with Michael Eisner, CEO of Disney  and his wife, Jane, Yeager was asked what he was going to do next. He said, "I'm going to Disney World." It was Jane Eisner who suggested to her husband, that comment would make a great commercial. Thus, one of the best marketing ideas in the world was born. That gem, all for the price of a dinner.

All in all, that phrase, "I'm going to Disney World," has sent more than 100 speakers and counting to see Mickey Mouse and all that mouse represents, in Orlando or Anaheim. It has been spoken mostly by NFL players, perhaps because the Super Bowl has a super large audience, and there is not any other commercial playing during the game that is less expensive ($5.6 million for 30 seconds this year) or better remembered than "I'm going to Disney World." 

Miss America said it commercially in 1988 as did two American Idol winners later. A few Olympians, several race car drivers, the entire US Women's National Soccer team, and a few NBA, MLB and NHL players have made the trip. So also have four worthy college graduates. 

Who is next? We'll see.

Extra stuff and forced relevance, but ego satisfying: So why am I filled with angst about all this? I guess I was just born too soon. You see, even before there was a Disney World (but there was a Disneyland) I had my chance. When I won the National Collegiate Bowling Championship (really) at the American Bowling Congress tournament held in Toledo that year, I was ready.  After the trophy was awarded I was being interviewed on radio by Bill Stern (Who? Never mind.) who had a national syndicated sports show. I quite remember, when asked what was next for me, I said "I'm going to Steak 'n Shake." Walt Disney probably couldn't get a hold of me but he should have. (True story of that follows.) so I took the next best thing, two steak burgers (pickle and onion) with french fries and a chocolate malt. No Mickey, Minnie or Donald Duck. Beside the honor and trophy, I got a new bowling ball. Did you ever try to fly home with a bowling ball that won't quite fit under the seat? 

I was on the All America first collegiate bowling team that year and actually had my name in the National Bowling Hall of Fame at one time. I actually spent much of my youth in my dad's bowing alley. But no one wants to grow old smelling of sweat and smoke of that day. Love, marriage and wonderful children far outpace any 300 game. I don't do that any more but it was great in my youth.

Now, why should Walt Disney seek me out? Well, my dad was one of few people there when Mickey Mouse was created. That was in a small, one-time strip-mining town, Toluca, Illinois, where my dad was born. And, as the story goes, when Disney was traveling by rail from Hollywood to Chicago, that train made a water stop--what trains of that day did--early one Sunday morning. Disney, who had been up all night sketching a new character, peeked out his window and saw the water tower with 'Toluca' painted across its side. Looking back at his sketch, he knew what he had drawn was some charactered mouse with a high pitched voice named Mickey, who would be the star of his new black and white cartoon, Steamboat Willy.

TaDah!

Ever want to thank all the little people who helped you climb that ladder to the top? And other stuff too.

Ever want to thank 'all the little people' who have helped you get to the top? Well, here they are.

Thank you little people. And that takes care of that.

Super Bowl ad from 2012

Gonna watch Superbowl 49? (Looks a lot less important written that way, right?) The best parts of the 72 hour +/- telecast are, let's face it, the commercials and half-time. Oh, sometimes there is a football game or a scandal, but ads and half-time, now those are for real. And so is the reported price of a last-minute ticket: $8,000!

This year, a 30 second ad spot costs $4.5 mil--a mere $150,000 a second--and there are 15 new advertisers plus a waiting list. The ads, however, offer a solution to every problem, like Doritoto-itis or Budweiser Belly. Well, not EVERY problem... I'm still looking for a flat, brown 42-inch shoelace. Hard as one is to find, it is easier to find two for $3.95. So I want--and think I  DESERVE--a Superbowl shoelace commercial. And believing in advertising, Acme Shoelaces would only have to sell an estimated 4.5 million to come out even. But when you are building a brand like "Acme Shoelaces: the only laces with both a right and left for the discriminating tier," the big deal, of course, would be the repeat business. 

Pope Francis and God

Then I cleverly segue into this Pope Francis Joke:  

Pope Francis was a beloved cardinal in Argentina. He gave up all his worldly possessions. He gave up his house to live in a tiny apartment. He gave up his car to ride the bus. You know what that means? Right now every divorced guy is saying, "I could have been Pope." 

And if you ask me, Pope Francis looks an awfully lot like Stan Laurel of Laurel and Hardy and that classic dance they did. 

If I had an extra $4 million, I know what I would do...

... I would buy a 30-second television ad spot during the upcoming Super Bowl XLVIII (which, for those not familiar with Latin or don't have enough fingers, is 3-1/2 baker's dozen plus II, give or take half a donut).

My commercial would feature a clever little video starring all my grandchildren--with the oldest, now 17 (I can't believe it) and a really good driver, at the wheel--in a dramatic car chase through the streets of San Francisco... you know, like flying over the steep hills and careening down the crookedest street in the world... stuff like that. (Been done before? Not like this, it hasn't.)

The video would feature every cute grandchild in the car, all dressed alike in a nice plaid or paisley with silly little hats--for drama and color harmony, of course--screaming, laughing, saying clever things and daring fate in a way that makes Indiana Jones look like a girl scout (not that there is anything wrong with that)... and cats, of course to capture those who hate kids but love cats... with fast, dramatic, heart-pounding music. (Note to parents and concerned citizens: These scenes all done by stunt doubles, of course. Do you realize how difficult it is to find a stunt double for a three-month-old?)

The car would finally race toward the outgoing ferry to Sausalito as it was pulling away, jumping the Bay and the widening gap between pier and deck, finally doing a screeching 180 halt on the deck (so the front of the car is facing the camera). Then, the cutest of the grandkids (you know who you are, right? The ones who have my nose.) would hop--or crawl--out of the car, look into the camera and say, for all 100 million billion riveted fans (those not going to the bathroom), "Read papa's blog, Itsnutsoutthere.blogspot.com ... so it can go viral!"

Closing shot features the blog's web address as the music sweetens... image fades to black, then cuts to the announcer who says, "And now, on to the game."

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about.