Elvis died in 1977...or did he?

The King at a young age

In looking back, I found something I wrote 10 years ago when "The King's" craze was nearer it's peak. I found it absolutely amazing in how prophetic I was.

When Elvis Presley died in 1977, there were 48 Elvis impersonators. In 1996, there were 7,328. If this rate of growth continues, by the year 2012, one person in every four will be an Elvis impersonator. And it will be just our luck that one of those will someday run for President.

Whoa! Was I close or what? Today, there are at least four Elvis impersonator associations: The Professional Elvis Impersonators Association (PEIA), The Association of Professional Elvis Presley Tribute Artists (APEPTA), Elvis Presley Impersonators International Association (EPIIA) and the National Association of Amateur Elvis Impersonators (NAAEI). I'm not kidding.

Now about one of them running for President, the only person I could rule out for sure last election was Dennis Kucinich. He just didn't have the voice.

 



Ten years later, I was sadly proven right.

Thisa and thata about data

Isn't it about time I blamed something on Charles Darwin? Every one else seems to be. His darn theory of evolution... it's all his fault. Actually, if the world was the NCAA title basketball game, Team Evolution would be winning 85-29 with two minutes left, so it's really not that bad.

On the plus side, evolving helped us survive... that's big. But, it also was the cause of a lot of today's maladies. Like if we didn't use our spine to walk upright instead of on all fours, we wouldn't have chronic back problems... and we'd probably still have a cute little tail (like a bunny, I hope, not a beaver or kangaroo or monkey). And our Appendixes would do more than just go bad and kill us. We would all have dark eyes and coarse hair and our brains would not have shrunk 10 %. Now there's a real problem. (As an aside, a number of the NFL football players are donating their brains to science when they die. Today, it will take 10 % more players to equal the Neanderthal Bears of the old PFL--Prehistoric Football League.)

And here's a big one... today's average foot has grown four shoe sizes larger for both men and women since 1900. I just had a rare chance to look at the 2099 Buster Brown shoe catalog-- those companies have to work quite a bit in advance, you know-- and this is a nice pair your children will be wearing.

Evolution is good because if you are a guy, sperm develops better at lower than body temperatures... however, the testicles are now at a greater risk of injury. Thanks a lot, Darwin.

Evolution is good because if you are a gal, your pelvis is narrower, butt not so big, for walking. However, it makes a tighter squeeze when giving birth. Says my daughter, *&%# you, Darwin!

One last quiz item of interest that Darwin seems to have nothing to do with: Can you name the one part of the body, then and today, that is the same size at birth as it is at death? Everything else grows but this one thing. Got it? The eyeball.  Enough Darwin-bashing. On to something else.

                                                                        ***

What do the numbers 39-18-33 mean to you? How about a svelte woman's measurements? (Didn't think of that, did you?) And that woman is 50 years old! I'm talking about Barbie here... and my, doesn't she still look so good? The measurements, of course, are her proportions as if she is a real person, not counting childish fantasies. It is no wonder that Ken chased her for so many years. Oh, I know... it was only for her personality.

Well, Barbie just had a very good year... for her Godfather Mattel, that is. In 2009, Barbie sales jumped 12% in a down toy market. However, Barbie is starting 2010 out on a different note, if this news is any indicator.

Walmart has been accused of 'Barbie racism' by 'activists.' (Story didn't specify if it meant Barbie activists or race activists... just activists.) Seems one store had dark-skinned Barbies and light-skinned Barbies displayed side-by-side, and the price tag on the dark-skinned Barbies read $3 while one shelf to the left, the light-skinned Barbies were going for $5.93.

That "devalued the black doll," said the activists.  It was nothing more than inventory management, said Walmart.

All I know is that G.I. Joe never had these problems. If he did, he would have come out firing.

HOT NEWS: Mattel has just announced that it will be marketing a new version of Barbie and Ken styled after the characters in the "Mad Men" TV series... which will be quite a change for Barbie... a steno pool worker and Ken, an account executive who chain smokes. 

                                                                         ***


Oh, if you look down two posts (to March 9th), you will see I talked about the major earthquake in Chile. Well, I have just a little bit more. the 8.8 quake on the Richter Scale was so significant that it not only moved cities a few inches, it actually shortened earth's day. Really! NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab geophysicists have calculated it shifted the axis of Earth's mass by 3 inches from where it was. That has the same effect, says one geologist, "as an ice skater going around in a circle... when she pulls her arms in, she goes faster." Well we are.

Thanks to Chile, our Earth day is now 1.26 millionths of a second shorter than it used to be. So if you haven't already reset your clocks to daylight savings time, remember to stop 1.26 millionths of a second short of an hour and you won't even notice the difference. For those of you who have already adjusted your clocks, hold on tight.

Interesting stuff where relevance doesn't matter

 Just learned fact: It is possible to survive being swallowed by a whale... but the gastric acids will absolutely wreck your complexion," according to author Philip Hoare in his award-winning novel, The Whale.

This changes everything! Pinocchio was REAL! You THE MAN, Geppetto!

A Delaware man is suing a New York strip club... not because he didn't have a good time... but because he just can't remember if he did or not. Seems he entered the club, had two alcoholic beverages and was taken to a private room with his very own lap dancer. The part he can't remember is what happened in that room for the next 90 minutes. He does, however, suspect it must have been very, very 'special'... his credit card showed a $21,620.50 charge.

Those Bulgarians... they know which side their pepper is buttered on. In a recent country-wide survey, the "chushkopek" was voted as the most revolutionary household advance of the 20th century, beating out electricity, television and the cell phone. What is this incredible advancement, you may ask. It is a kitchen appliance (left) that will roast up to seven peppers at a time! As they say in Bulgaria, "Ay ay chihuahua!" ... or is that Italian?


A New York woman has filed a discrimination claim against her supervisor at the Jewish Theological Seminary. She says he frequently "breaks wind," releasing "constant barrages of... flatulence" in her work area.  Honestly, a secular person wouldn't do that... would he?


A short time ago, Giants Stadium in East Rutherford was demolished. It was home to the NFL's New York Giants and New York Jets... in New Jersey, of all places.  Of course, a newer, bigger, more awe-inspiring stadium is being built... not really because the 34-year-old older version failed to serve but because the new one will allow for higher ticket prices, more of those ultra-luxurious, more expensive corporate sky boxes, and most important, more revenue for the owners. But personally, I'm disappointed... not because of any of the above, since none of it will come from me, but because the wrecking crew didn't find the body of Jimmy Hoffa so we could give him a decent burial.

Note: three of these five items involve New York. Honestly Gotham, haven't you guys got anything better to do?

EEEK! A GHOST!

Ever see a ghost, feel a supernatural presence or consult a fortune teller? I'm not surprised... 29 % of us say we have had a touch with the dead, 18 % have seen or been with a ghost (I'm one of those... story to follow) and 15 % have consulted a medium. That's what Pew Research Center found in a recent study. Faith undoubtedly leads us to feel there is a spiritual world "out there." That and Scooby Do, of course.

I had a joyous experience that I will never forget. It is as clear in my mind today as it was many years ago, when I was seven. There was never a doubt. And because I was so young, I am even more convinced it was real because I was so naively 'pure' and without influence or prejudice on such subjects.

Growing up in the 'lower income' segment of America, my family lived in a small house owned by and adjacent to my maternal grandparents.  It was a great time because grandma spoiled my sister and me rotten with love, treats, surprises and permissiveness. What more could a seven-year-old want? And so did my grandma's mother, who lived with them. We called her Big Grandma (that's her) because she was, compared to Small Grandma, at least. She was perhaps stereotypically, an older Italian 'grandma-type' with her white hair in a bun, a round, ruddy face to fit her largish heavy frame... and always, a warm smile.  As a recent and older immigrant, she spoke only Italian but that was never a barrier to the fun we had together.

I remember the day she passed away, in the house just next door. The adults kept my sister and me in the kitchen behind the closed dining room door while they sadly said their tearful good-bys as Big Grandma lay dying on the living room couch.

About six weeks later, as Big Grandma was out my life and mind, our family was coming home from a movie and I, as the self-appointed front door-opener, ran ahead and up the steps to unlock the door.

When I burst into the living room, there, on our easy chair in the corner, sat Big Grandma in her familiar black and white poke-a-dot dress, tan stockings and black shoes. She had a warm smile for me... as always.


"Why Big Grandma," I hollered with absolute delight... and I can still hear myself saying it, "What are you doing here?" She didn't answer, but held out her arms to me. I turned to mom,  dad and sis, who were just coming up the porch steps, and shouted, "Big Grandma is here!"

But then, when I turned back, she was gone.

I remember being so excited as I told everyone what I had seen. I was so happy! Big Grandma came to say good-by to me.

And she did!

Are we scared to death yet?

Obviously not... but there is a case to be made.

When I grew up, I was frightened by the average things that frighten a young boy:

• Step on a crack, break your mother's back.
• Polio... what if I get it and have to spend the rest of my life in an iron lung?
• Those two kids down the street who beat me up and took my school lunch money... honest.
• That really cute girl.
• Atomic bomb practice-- ("Everyone under your desks, cover your head and DO NOT look towards the windows.")
• My mother when I made her mad.
  

Then I got bigger and I was frightened by:

• Puberty. 
• That really cute girl.
• Pimples and ring worm (got it)... and cooties.
• Being accepted.
  
• Being drafted and getting killed in the war.
• Dying.

Then I fell in love and got married, bringing new fears:

• Does she love me?
• Will my kids be ok?
• How will we ever have enough money to send them to college?
• Will I ever have the luxury of an erection lasting more than 4 hours?
• Divorce. 
• That really cute girl.

Now I am fully mature (by most judgments, not including my wife's), and I have come to the understanding that almost all of those past worries didn't come to pass. I (we) tend to over worry everything, humans that we are. Today, we have digitized the full scope of all that we can and do worry about. And it makes me wonder if there actually are more worries or if we have just learned, with the help of the media, that we do have the capacity to worry more... and have found new things to worry about:

• Cancer, crime, Y2K, terrorists, homosexuals, heterosexuals, republicans, democrats, smoking-- or not, yellow teeth, global warming, biological warfare, nuclear destruction, not having enough friends on Facebook, Tiger Woods, Octomom, money, Jenn (ever since Brad left her, she has been on our minds), money, jobs, health care, bombs in underpants, money, crooked politicians, pandering politicians, elected officials who care more about their wants than ours, flu, China, the fog on Interstate 80 somewhere in America (thanks Weather Channel), pork (the Washington kind, not the eating kind, though we worry about that too--Is it cooked enough or will we get Salmonella?), money, inflation, depression (economic and mental), etc.

It is us lucky ones that seem to have become the hopeless... the despondent... the glum. There are people who have major league worries, like staying alive, finding water to drink that doesn't make you sick, making an honest or dishonest dollar (literally, $1) to feed your family, earthquakes, tsunami's, hurricanes, failing health, joblessness, homelessness...

We more fortunate do have worries, real and imagined, that seems to dominate more of our lives and minds than our blessings, our opportunities, our optimism. Where is that 'we can do it, we will overcome, we can rise to any challenge' mentality? Have we become a "glass half empty" nation of cynics? I hope not. I hope not. Enough bitching. Time to 'suck it up!' We have not been gifted with blessings just to squander them mindlessly dithering.

Which half are you in?

Caveat: I wrote this rant then let it sit on my computer for a few days. I really feel strongly about what I said, but I have to acknowledge that it is somewhat sarcastic... ok, a lot sarcastic. I do feel television has value. There is no doubt that kids do learn more, earlier... and it can bring the world, and what's important, to our doorstep perhaps better than any other passive way. But that requires some judicious use, for sure. And television is entertaining, but again, it's what we choose to watch instead of watching anything and everything because"'that's what we do." Television is also insensitive, obtrusive, invasive, habit-forming, moral standards setting and molding. It is a 24/7 advertising machine. That said, it feels good to rant and rave and be sarcastic. After all, It's Nuts Out There.)

I was watching TV last night... and falling asleep on the couch... again!  I wasn't really that tired. I was bored to death. That was my fault for allowing it to happen... but it doesn't stop me from blaming the 'All-American Hobby' for my own weakness.

We have more than 130 channels of "entertainment" on our cable system (not counting those you can pay extra for). Of those, a handful are shopping channels. There are maybe a dozen sports channels of one type or another. Then there are the network channels, news channels, the animal channels, the Spanish broadcasting channels, the public service channels, kids' show channels and lots of other stuff.

Seems like 70 percent of the non-sports, non-news programming is made up of reality shows -- lots of them-- and silly 'sit-coms' all copying one-other, with most set on expanding our moral boundaries, game shows that ask questions and, more popularly, game shows that embarrass people, American Idol, America's got talent, Dancing With the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance... and of course, America's Funniest Videos (usually with different syndicated reruns on several different channels, five or six nights a week). Oh yeah, the reruns are for us to enjoy again and again... and don't say we don't.

Will weather actually happen unless it is reported on 30-40 of times a day... or on the Weather Channel where weather is not just anything -- it is the only thing? When I grew up, the weather still came, as I recall... maybe not. I was just a kid then, so what do I know? I guess I should be happy to be aware of possible fog conditions somewhere in California or rain across the plains... "so you be careful out there." OK, information is good and some can be critical, but wouldn't less seem like more? Problem is, if it were otherwise, what would the stations/networks have to sell commercials around? Also, weather makes a great 'tease' ... "Bill has some big weather news... and you folks on the west side, prepare to take cover... coming right up after the break."

We get three hours of the same news stories, over and over, every night... not all the news but pretty much just the news that the media thinks we want/need. Sometimes the media makes its own news by determining what they want to show us... who in Hollywood is divorcing and who is in rehab, how much weight Gerard Butler has gained and how Octo-mom is doing. Did Jon really leave Kate or visa-versa? And what is even sadder... we really do want to know that... and it is infinitely more marketable.

(Fact: Most of our next generation uses TV as its primary... and often only news source for its intellectual enrichment.)

Then there are the commercials and infomercials that take as much as 15 minutes of every broadcast hour.We are being 'pitched-to-death' most waking minutes... so much so that we know what one must do with an erection that lasts more than four hours.

Well, call me a cynic (because I am). I know that worthwhile programing and information is available. And what's wrong with being entertained? Television does have its value... but it has great faults.... but not the greatest fault.

That greatest fault is ours... and how we use/abuse this human magnet. (We have six sets in our house, but every room is 'wired' in case we need more.)  It is sad  that we often make the choice to let the television to be our primary focus... and our primary medium, watching anything and everything that is on. This is especially true at night when we have to confess to ourselves that "there just isn't anything 'on' tonight." but watch whatever, anyway. There is no doubt in my mind that television does a lot of our thinking for us. And THAT is the real kicker.

Most television programming is aimed at the lower common denominator... because it works best that way.  And if you figure that in the United States (or pretty much anywhere else), half of the people are below average... then presumably, you would think that those in the upper half are too smart to be helplessly held hostage by a stupid, unblinking eye. Would we?

Now here's the question: Which half are you in?

PS: For those 'on the other side,' there's a web site that might come in handy... couchpotatotelevision.com/

This could be your lucky year... with an asterisk*

*you gotta die to win.

Here in the U.S. on January 1, the estate tax, which has to be paid at death (so why am I worried about it?), has expired (er, excuse the word... been suspended) for one year. If you are/were rich enough (again, why am I worried), and died before the new year arrived, Uncle Sam could take as much as one-half of your estate's value. So as the new year approached, some families were playing God/Midas... "Do we keep Uncle Otto's respirator going until the stroke of midnight or do we pull the plug?"

Actually, that was possibly true in very few cases, and possibly only humorous if you are not Uncle Otto or his family. (In this blog, gallows humor is allowed... "Is that the best noose you can tie, you pathetic excuse for a hangman? I'd worry about you if I was your mommmmmm.... SNAP...argggh... swing.")

Anyhow, I have guaranteed that I will not die before my money runs out. I just shorten the death date guestimate on my financial plan to match my remaining dollars. See... it's win-win.

How to save New York

The New York Times asked a few of its prominent citizens for their new year resolutions for building a better New York:

Elliot Spitzer, former governor, attorney general and alleged prostitution solicitor said "I would love to see investment bankers actually do God's work." Gotta start somewhere, I guess.


Keith Nelson, founder of Bindlestiff Family Cirkus (yep, that's the korrect spellling) said "...the city should open a unicycle lane and special unicycle access to every bridge in New York."

Robert Burck, The Naked Cowboy of Times Square said "I'm waiting for the city to put my new product line into the Times Square retail center that's coming. So far, we've got Naked Cowboy shot glasses, Naked Cowboy T-shirts, Naked Cowboy protein powder and a Naked Cowboy tequila. It would also be nice if they could open up a Times Square wedding chapel. I'm an ordained minister.  It's a multimillion-dollar industry. Why let all those people to to Vegas to be married by an Elvis impersonator when they can do it in a unique way, right here in New York, by either myself or one of my licensed franchisees?"

In all fairness, there are other resolutions that read a little different. These three might just be a good starting point.

The real "Rain Man" dies...

... and he was incredible!

Remember the movie "Rain Man" with Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise? It was based on an autistic savant who couldn't deal with the demands of daily living but was gifted with the extraordinary powers of memory that a small number of otherwise mentally disabled people possess, perhaps as a side effect of their disability. It won four Oscars (Best Picture, Best Actor--Dustin Hoffman, Best Original Screenplay for its two authors) and wowed audiences who typically asked, "Is that for real?"

Well, it was.

Kim Peek died last week at age 58. According to the New York Times, "Peek was not autistic -- not all savants are autistic and not all autistics are savants -- but he was born with severe brain abnormalities. He could not dress himself or brush his teeth without help. He found metaphoric language incomprehensible and conceptualization baffling."

Yet, Peek not only taught himself to read but could, with astonishing speed, read facing pages of a book at once -- one with each eye -- and remember everything he read... in all of the 12,000 books he did read! He possessed a wide range of interests and expertise in math, chess, art and music. He could answer diverse questions on history, sports, geography and movies. He knew every calendar date specifically and all the ZIP codes in the U.S. as well as the TV stations serving those ZIPs.

He was better than Mapquest as he knew all the roads and mileages. If you asked him how to get from Toledo to Tupelo, he could not only give you the route but tell you all the things you would see on your way.

He knew classical music... every detail of every composition... and in mid life, taught himself to play it. He knew it so well that his father had to stop taking him to performances... as a stickler for accuracy, he would correct the actors or the musicians. "He'd stand and say" 'Wait a minute! The trombone is two notes off,'" his father recalled.

He knew Shakespeare... oh, yeah.  "He was the Mount Everest of memory," said an expert on savants who knew Peek for 20-years. And he never used computers.

When he was nine-months-old, a doctor judged him so severely retarded, he recommended the boy be institutionalized since he would never walk or talk. At age six, another recommended a lobotomy. By that time, however, he had read and memorized the first eight volumes of the family's encyclopedias. So much for the lobotomy.

Dustin Hoffman (who spent time with Peek to learn his characteristics, movements and utterances before the filming), accepting his Oscar for the portrayal of Raymond Babbitt (the name used in the movie), thanked, then gave it to Peek. Peek carried it with him to public appearances for the next 21 years. His father estimated that some 400,000 people have hugged that Statuette. "We called it the world's best-loved Oscar."

Kim Peek... hmmm. That name rings a bell.

What if the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about? *

*The most profound thoughts are often seen on tee-shirts... or not.

Sometimes you have to look deeper... like now. Christmas is what it's all about for most of us... especially Andy Melkshan of England. He celebrates Christmas every day of the year... as he has for the last eight years. He even sends himself Christmas cards. He usually starts his daily celebration opening presents he has bought himself, delighting in each and every surprise. ("OOOH... just what I always wanted... my size and color too. How did I know?") Then he has his Christmas meal of Turkey and mince pie and watches the Queen's Christmas speech on video... every single day. And if Santa doesn't bring him what he wants... well, there's always tomorrow. The credit crunch has gotten to him though, as it has a lot of us. He had to cut down on the gifts this year, hoping he wouldn't notice.

By his own admission, "people do think I'm nuts." .... and thus qualified for this blog, especially at this time of the year.

While we typically celebrate Christmas just one day of the year... the spirit of the season often has a longer life. I propose a contest. Let's see who can keep the spirit going the longest. What can it hurt?

Merry Christmas all... and to those who don't look at Christmas like me, good tidings to you too.

His death leaves big shoes to fill... and other '09 departures you may have missed.

Coco the clown, a circus favorite and the man who helped create Ronald McDonald (and played Ronald in the early commercials for the fast-food giant), died at age 86. "He was very serious about being funny," said the president of the International Clown Hall of Fame. Coco made folks laugh for more than 80 years. He could handle 16-foot stilts and take a pie in the face as well as anyone... except maybe Soupy Sales, who also died this year. Makes you wonder... what in the heck are we going to do with all those custard pies now? His death leaves big shoes to fill... size 39-EEEEEE actually.

Bill Lister, the man billed as "Radio's Tallest Singing Cowboy," also died at age 86.  He will long be remembered for that old favorite, "There's a Tear in My Beer," or not. He was 11 feet, 9 inches tall... (or 6 feet, 7 inches without his gun).

We also lost Benson, the world's biggest carp. He died at 87 pounds.

His Highness, Giorgio Carbone died at age 73. In 1963, he proclaimed himself the Prince of Seborga,  the only leader the 320 people in that 'mini-state' have ever known. Claimed by Italy, Seborga sits at its nearest point to Nice. It has been recognized by the Vatican as an independent state which has never formally been made part of any country. The Seborgan army consists of a single individual, in a ceremonial uniform (with epaulettes no less!), who served as His Highness's personal 'gofer' and bodyguard. Since Seborga pays taxes to Italy, the Italians don't really care what Seborga calls itself. His Serene Highness Giorgio I (his self-named official title) was beloved by his people.

Waldo Hunt, the man who invented the pop-up book, died at age 89. True to his creation 'til the end, Hunt kept "popping up" every time they tried to place him in his casket, causing great consternation among the 'neatnik' morticians.

The smile died in Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia this past year as those states forbade drivers to smile for their license photos. Smirks, however, might be 'snuck in' when no one is looking.

Actress Jennifer Jones who won an Oscar for her portrayal of Bernadette in the 1943 movie, The Song of Bernadette, died at age 90. The real Bernadette, a French peasant girl who saw the Virgin Mary at Lourdes, was cannonized a saint by the Catholic Church in 1933. It was reported that Jones, playing Bernadette, actually had a personal revelation on the set of that movie... She felt a spirit telling her, "You are going to die." Then, just last week, the spirit came again to her and said, "See. I told you so." (Please tell me God has a sense of humor.)

Harold Bell, the marketing agent for the "Lassie" show, died at age 90. He is better remembered as the man who created the character Woodsy Owl, the plump bird in a red-feathered hat who told children to "Give a hoot, don't pollute."

Frank Coghlan Jr. died at 93. Who? The kid who played Captain Marvel's alter-ego, Billy Batson, of course. It is Billy Batson who meets a shaman in Siam who teaches him to transform himself into our superhero, Captain Marvel. Coghlan was the  perfect example of a homeless waif, said Cecil B. DeMille who directed the Captain Marvel serials in 1925. And when Billy Batson saw injustice, he said the magic word which transformed him, through a bolt of lightning, into CAPTAIN MARVEL! The magic word was S-H-A-Z-A-M which stood for - the wisdom of Soloman - the strength of Hercules - the stamina of Atlas - the power of Zeus - the courage of Achilles - the speed of Mercury. His powers included super strength, of course, speed, stamina, physical and magical invulnerability, courage and wisdom... the usual stuff. While Billy Batson was a young, crippled newspaper boy with a crutch, Captain Marvel became this Arnold Schwarzenegger-like Adonis in a red, tightly-fitted outfit with a big yellow M on his chest, a flowing red cape with yellow piping and knee length yellow boots. What a guy? My favorite power... lightning. He could control lightning. You shoulda seen him smite those bad guys. Good night Captain Marvel, or as they say in comic land, M-A-Z-A-H-S (Shazam backwards, of course.)

And finally, Claude Levi-Strauss died shortly before his 101st birthday. Known by many as the man who shaped Modern Anthropology and revered by all, he often lamented the disappearance of a simpler time. " We live in a world where I feel out of place. The one that I knew, that I loved, had 1.5 billion inhabitants. The world today is made up of six billion humans.  It is no longer mine."

I can relate to that.

Sorry to keep bugging you...

... but God, isn't this incredible?

I guess I'm somewhat impressionable when it comes to the enormity of space. We (me and the rest of all the people on earth) have just discovered an infant solar system in the Orion Nebula. It is relatively close to us, a mere 1,200 light-years to the north. (That is, 5.9 trillion miles x 1,200-- why that's even more, if it were dollars, than our national budget!) This cloud of newly discovered hydrogen gas shows the birth of 42 new stars.

And no, I don't have a clue as to what all these terms mean. I just know that there are a lot of stars and a lot of space. In fact, if our earth were to be represented by a tiny grain of sand, there would not be enough room to produce a scale model of our solar system on the face of this very small, eensy-weensy planet! Whew.  (PS: the photo came from NASA.. it would have been less blurry but somebody moved.)

How much is that in real money?

I remember spending all day one summer Saturday when I was about eight or nine-years-old, collecting, with the help of my best friend, paper, scrap metal, bottles, etc., and taking it all, in my red Radio Flyer wagon, to the scrap iron junkyard, across the tracks, about a mile from my childhood stomping grounds.

We worked from hot morning through hotter afternoon gathering wagon-loads of stuff to sell at the junkyard. You see, it was my mom's birthday and I wanted to buy her a birthday card. (I know... "aaauw, isn't that just adorable?")

We watched, sweaty and disgustingly dirty, as our "golden cargo" was weighed. "OK boys," the junkman said. "That comes to 24 cents."  I couldn't believe it. All of our hard work had earned the enormous total of 12 cents each! (OK, so 24 cents in 'the olden days' would have been more in today's cents, but even then, it wasn't much.)

The card I coveted... the one with 'just the right message,' cost 15 cents. I can still remember, it had a rose on the front and some kind of mushy message inside. So here I am, a mess and still 3 cents short. But my buddy came through and made up the difference.

Bought the card, signed my name and proudly took it home to mom, who was napping on the bed at the time. I flopped beside her, proud and beaming. But before I could open my mouth, she flew off the bed and hollered, "JERRY! GET OFF... RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE JUST FILFTHY."

Fighting tears, I meekly pushed the card into her hands and said "Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you." Then I cried.

Well, I have to tell you, that 15 cent card was probably the most valuable 'real money' I ever had. It brought me a big tearful hug from mom, my favorite fried chicken dinner and special status for the next few days... until I did something kid-like and life went on.

I know that the less you have, the more it means. That's kind of what triggered this thought as I read today that Bank Of America is set to repay its $18.4 BILLION taxpayer subsidy. Now here's what I don't get... just a short time ago, BofA would have gone out of business if they didn't get the loan. Then, within months, they made it back and repaid. Well, good for them and us. But hey, how much is $18.4 billion in real money? Seems like it should take a longer time to generate that kind of cash and regain solvency than mere months. And where's the sweat? It's a non-attainable goal for almost all of us. One just doesn't live that long. I suppose it is the volatility of today's world, and it scares me.

I just know that my 12 cents earned probably meant more to me then than this $18.4 billion does to BofA today. And to us taxpayers who footed the loan, it's real money out of our pockets. What this really means, according to the Wall Street Journal and other experts in these kinds of matters, is that BofA can now, without government interference, again pay millionaires big, BIG bonuses and go back to life as usual.

Somehow along the line, I lost the concept of 'real money."

Be a sport!

In the premier event in the world's most popular sport, the French team qualified for the World Cup finals. (Yes, the sport is something the rest of the world calls football but we in the USA call it soccer.) How did the French beat the Irish for this most coveted berth in the World Cup finals? They cheated, that's how. The captain of the French team purposely and admittedly used his hand to deflect the ball which lead to a deciding score.

Everyone but the referee saw the infraction. It was  played and replayed in the world's media... especially in Ireland, the victim country. Everyone agrees (including the Federation Internationale de Football Association or, FIFA) that it was not fair, not legal and not right. The French are embarrassed and, from what I read, almost ashamed... "Qualifying for the finals through a foul, violating the spirit of the sport--it almost makes us lower our heads in shame."  The key word here is "almost." They are not ashamed, but almost ashamed.

The official ruling: Nada. Nothing. Or nil, as they say in soccer...er football. The worst of the outcome though might be what the French team captain and cheater, Thierry Henry said: "I will be honest, it was a handball. But I'm not the referee. I played it, the referee allowed it. That's a question you should ask him." In other words, it wasn't my fault. If the referee didn't see it and call it, then it didn't happen, right?

Oh, soccer isn't alone in the world of cheating. This is just the latest good example of a bad example.

It has long been admired by fans as a "good play" if an athlete can fool the referee, or umpire. In baseball and football, a player who 'traps' a ball that has bounced on the turf tries to make it look like a great catch. How about the cagey pitchers who throw a 'spitter' or 'rough up the ball with a hidden emery board or piece of sandpaper. (Some of these guys are in the Hall of Fame.) Do hitters cork bats or is Sammy Sousa just darned good? A basketball player that 'flops' to dupe the ref into a call is cheered by the fans if it works. This is especially true in the NBA which is why some of those games start to resemble pro wrestling.  

Don't even get me started on steroids or other performance enhancing drugs. I guess the best way we neatly handle it is to put an asterisk beside the records those guys have broken.

Next thing you know, they will be trying to tie a tin can around Tiger Woods' tail when all the poor guy ever did was make a diaper run at 2:45 am and accidentally brush a fire hydrant and tree. What will they dream of next?

OK, so that's a little sarcastic. But don't we deserve some honor in our sports... and in our world? I'm more than a little tired of reading every day about people in sports who cheat, lie, justify bizarre actions and want to be called role models... and that goes double for politicians and hungry millionaires too. Aren't you?

Say it ain't so, guys. Or since you can't do that, why do we continue to be the saps who pay to see them play or re-elect them. Maybe we are the problem.

End of the world?

It is in 2012, if the film of the same name is right. But then, when has Hollywood ever gotten anything right... except Princess Bride, of course. However, that is today's buzz... just as it was in 1998 with the movie Armageddon and from the book Death From the Skies... and don't forget Nostradamus and Y2K, etc.  Lots of this stuff.

Sooner or later, maybe somebody will get lucky... but then there won't be anyone around to gloat about it. What fun is that?

The odds are with us though, in an astronomical sense. Do you know that 20-40 tons of meteoric rock hit the earth every day? It is estimated (by Las Vegas?) that there is a 1 in 700,000 chance that one may eventually be big enough to kill everyone in a large city on a direct hit... and even more if the 350-yard-wide asteroid, Apophis, touches down in 2029. Other mortal dangers include a supernova explosion closer than 25 light-years to us (One light-year is 5.8 trillion miles, in case you are checking it out on Mapquest), or a gamma-ray bust by some distant collapsing solar system.

If I were a betting man however, I'd go for our own self-destruction in some crazy way... like if everyone in China jumps up and lands at the same millisecond, earth could be thrown out of orbit and there you have it.

In any case, I really do have other, more pressing concerns in my life... like what time is dinner and to remember not to jump up if I see someone else doing it.

Like word puzzles?

Neither do I... but this one is simple and it makes a point:

What English language word starts out masculine, then when you add a letter, it is feminine, then when you add another letter, it is masculine again, then when you add three more, it ends up feminine?

Good one, huh?

Well, the word is HE (masculine) R (feminine) O (masculine) INE (feminine)... HEROINE, get it?

CNN just revealed its Heros for 2009 (here).... 10 individuals nominated and voted on by viewers over the course of the year. It featured these top vote-getters in a recent television special. Watching was a richly rewarding experience... something that can't readily be said for many TV shows.

What set this show apart, however, is that these were people we could relate to... not movie stars or philanthropists, but people who have embraced a need or cause from a humanitarian perspective and did something about it. People like us... except they set themselves apart by their unselfish drive to help when and where help was needed. Here are CNN's top ten this year:

There was 20-year-old Jordan Thomas who lost both of his legs in a boating accident four years ago. When he observed many young people didn't have the help or means that he had, he clearly saw his cause. He created the Jordan Thomas Foundation which has raised more than $400,000 to date to provide prosthetics for children in need.This is now his life's mission.

Andrea Ivory, a breast cancer survivor, saw her passion in bringing early detection to the doorsteps of uninsured women. With mobile mammography vans, her group has provided more than 500 free screenings in Miami, Florida.

Doc Hendley was a bartender who discovered one day that there are billions of people of the world without access to clean water. Stunned by that revelation and through creative fundraising, his nonprofit Wine to Water has brought sustainable water systems to 25,000 people in five countries and says his work is just beginning.

Army veteran Roy Foster started Stand Down House to help veterans struggling with addiction and homelessness in Florida. Since 2000, his program has provided life-changing services to nearly 900 veterans.

Jorge Munoz is a school bus driver in Queens who couldn't help but notice the many in need on his route. He is helping hungry New Yorkers make it through tough times. Since 2004, he has handed out more than 70,000 meals...with dedicated help from family and friends and donations from wherever he can find them... from his mobile soup kitchen in Queens, seven nights a week, 365 days a year-- for free.

Efren Peñaflorida gives Filipino youth an alternative to gang membership through education. His Dynamic Teen Company's 10,000 members have taught basic reading and writing to 1,500 kids living in the slums.

Brad Blauser is providing hope and mobility to disabled children and their families in Iraq. Since 2005, his Wheelchairs for Iraqi Kids program has distributed nearly 650 free pediatric wheelchairs to children in need.

Derrick Tabb started The Roots of Music to give young people an alternative to New Orleans' streets. His music education program provides free tutoring, instruments and music instruction to more than 100 students.

Budi Soehardi founded a children's home in one of the poorest areas of Indonesia. Today, Roslin Orphanage in West Timor provides food, shelter and education to more than 45 children. 

Zimbabwe native Betty Makoni founded the Girl Child Network to provide a haven for young victims of sexual abuse. The organization has rescued more than 35,000 girls since 2001.

The CNN program showed video of the heros in action and defined their cause and path. It was remarkable to observe how many lives these people have touched and how their passion pushed them forward. And these 10 were only the best representation of the thousands of hero nominees CNN received.

The thing that struck me most though, was the acceptance speech of each of these 10 as they stepped up to receive their award and a $25,000 prize given by CNN. To an individual, they were modest, humble... and even shy. They were selfless and sharing, sincere in the needs of those helped, and incredibly heroic in ways we would all like to see ourselves. They didn't seek this attention nor did they relish in the spotlight of personal glory... that's not what it was about to them. 

They are, in the truest sense, heros... and perhaps our finest contemporary example of the golden rule. It is at times like this that man's humanity is felt at the highest level. They make us proud because they represent something special in us all.

Hey, Mr. Big Shot...

I know, I know. The world just seems to revolve around us. Well, what's so special about that? Check out my blog post just below this one... If the World was a village of 100 people... and see how important you seem in the scheme of things on earth.

Then, check this out:

  

 

 

 

  

Antares is the 15th brightest star in our sky. It is more than 1000 light years away.                                  

 

This is a view of deep space... of countless entire galaxies billions of light years away.

This is a close-up of the darkest regions of the photo above, revealing more galaxys.

So, how big are you now, Mr. Big Shot? Perspective often serves a humbling purpose.

What's in a name?

I was in a traffic line recently and notice the two cars in front of me... a Yapta and a Passat. Not being a car buff, I didn't realize that one was a Toyota and the other, a VW. Where do they get these names? Remember years ago, Chevy tried to market its Nova in South America and it did terrible? Then, someone let them in on a little secret. In Spanish, Nova means No-Go. In other countries, Mazda makes the Bongo, Toyota has a Deliboy and a Toyopet. Mitsubishi markets its Delica Space Gear, Daihatsu has the Naked and Volugrafo (Italian, of course) sells the dickins out of the Bimbo.

Sports nicknames can be fun... especially fantasy sports teams: Sons of Pitches, The Beer View Mirrors, Victorious Secret, French Toast Mafia and The Razzle Dazzlers of Fantazzmagazzles, to name a few.

High School team nicknames, designed to drive the opponents crazy with fear, include the Sidney Lanier Poets, the Conway Wampus Cats, the Dunn Earwigs, the Key West Conches, IVC's Grey Ghosts (ok, I've got to hand it to the Grey Ghosts. I'm scared already), The New Berlin Pretzels, the Hoopston Corn Jerkers (get your mind out of the gutter), the Cobden Apple Knockers and the Fisher Bunnies. (Note: If you are familiar with Monty Python and the Holy Grail... and who isn't, I'm sure you know what bunnies can do. Be very afraid.)

In the first year of the Peoria, Illinois pro hockey team, fans suggested the most fiersome nickname imaginable... the Peoria Prancers. Other teams drooled at the thought of that match-up. (ed. note: Nickname lasted one year.)

If you are cool, friends will call you The Brain, or Awsome McAwesome, Spanky, Pork Chop, Jelly Bean or Minty Cow Girl (not cool, however, if you are a guy). A high school friend once tagged me with Sparkle. I'm sure it was meant as a compliment, though.

Recognize what they are talking about?

"I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right, shame on you!" Louis Armstrong said that in the 1970s.

How about this one? "The question was once put to him, how we ought to behave to our friends, and the answer he gave was, 'As we wish our friends to behave to us.'" That was Aristotle, sometime around 325 B.C.

My friend, Ed, loaned me his book, The Words We Live By: The creeds, mottoes and pledges that have shaped America, by Brian Burwell. I found it so fascinating that I blogged about it here before. Just recently, I saw two guys so angry at one another over something very petty that they almost got into a fist fight. Then I saw another sickening magazine cover blurb about Jon and Kate, etc., etc. Hmm! I thought maybe we all need a reminder.

The quotes above are expressions of "The Golden Rule," more familiarly stated as "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

The Golden Rule, in one form or another, is found in scriptural writings in Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism, Hinduism, Jainism, Islam, Judaism, Christianity and Zoroastrianism. It is moral acknowledgement of how to lead a good life.

Socrates, Aristotle, Samuel Clarke, John Wise, Immanuel Kant, Thomas Paine, Henry David Thoreau, Henry Sidgwick, Petr Alekseevich Kropotkin, Malcom X, Alan Gewirth and Louis Armstrong, to name just a few, have stated in writings and speeches... in many, many languages... in many different words... from so many ages... their expression of The Golden Rule.

It is prevalently acknowledged throughout all history as the way to live among one another.

It is not to be misconstrued as "He who has the gold, rules," or, "I don't get mad, I get even." These are usually followed by a hollow laugh, as if to say, "Not really."

But, really!

We sometimes seem to live more by those 'anti-golden rules' than the real thing. We have had wars forever, you know. I guess I'm feeling especially moralistic today. As a society of humans, wouldn't you think we can be better than we are?

Happy Anniversary to me

Today, Oct. 30th, marks the one-year anniversary of this blog. I was looking back at my 124 posts and found some really good reading... at least, from one perspective. Lots of dumb crooks, stupid news, interesting tidbits, pithy insights, personal comments and mind-blowing space and universe stuff. It really is nuts out there.

Blogging is rich for the soul... I owe me a drink.