Did you get your stimulus check yet?

Neither has Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg.

But seriously, here is how it works for the poorer rest of us (with the realization that some are much, much poorer than we are, and that IS an honest concern).

This example is a fun poser that has been around for a long time as you can tell by the way it is written. There is, however, a hiccup in 'the way it works' for us which I will explain.

A tourist drives into a town, stops at a motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he/she wants to inspect the rooms upstairs before picking one for the night.

As soon as the tourist walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the $100 and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 bill and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes that same $100 and heads off the pay his bill to the feed supplier at the co-op.

The feed supplier takes the $100 and runs to pay what he owes to the local hooker, who is dealing with the same economy as every one else and has been offering her services on credit.

The hooker rushes to the motel and pays off her $100 room bill.

The motel owner then places the $100 bill back on the counter and waits for the tourist to come bak from checking out the rooms.

Just then the tourist comes down the stairs, says the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up his $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

 However, the whole town is now out of debt and can look to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, my friends, is how a stimulus package works. 

Sounds strangely right, doesn't it? 

Actually, it is right as shown. Since each owed the other the same amount, those debts are paid off by reason that all are cancelled in a tacit mutual action. 

Well, we are not in that same economy (i.e. a perfect world) because we have a very large and rapidly growing national debt. We are aggressively spending more than we take in and every dollar has an actual price-tag to it. 

Our national debt was zero in 1935. Our last balanced budget was under Bill Clinton in 1998. The national debt was $5.5 trillion then. Our current national debt has grown since then to $24 trillion today, or $74,000 per person.

And, according to the non partisan Congressional Budget Office, that debt is increasing by about $1 trillion per year, mostly thanks to Trump's tax cut which was supposed to pay for itself but isn't. The national debt is expected to exceed $31 trillion by 2030. That is about 98 percent of the forecast size of the economy at that time.

 Side note: most of us in the middle received a very modest tax cut or increase--my taxes increased--while the very wealthy did just fine, thank you... like in "How do you like my new yacht?" Really!

And don't say "It's just a trillion dollars." It would take you 70 million hours, 24/7... or 291,666,666,666.67 days with no sleeping or eating breaks, to count out those dollars. IT'S A TRILLION DOLLARS... and it is our and our children's debt that actually does cost us interest every second of every day. 

And all this is before the $3 to $4 trillion in stimulus dollars we are spending now on this pandemic. 

Want to see something that will make your head spin?  Here is our national debt clock which is filled with second by second updates of all this vital data. It is fascinating with so much information. Check it out.

See? I told you so.

The moral of this story? As a country, we are Number 1 in many areas... not all of them good. But first, let's get back on our feet and go forward smartly. We ABSOLUTELY have to have a leader to take us there. Are you ready? Be sure to vote in November. It will be the most important election in our time.

"All men are created equal... " Do you believe that?

Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson, our third president, is known as the Founding Father of the United States and is most famous for writing our Declaration of Independence.

The second paragraph of that Declaration reads "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator of certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness." 

We, as a country, believe that. Do you, as an individual, believe that?

Careful how you answer or you may find yourself on the wrong side of the United States of America.


Here's a test for you:

Chris Rock

Comedian Chris Rock is a funny man. Much of his humor touches on the divide between you, the listener, and him.

• Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white y'know.
• Every town has two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
• I live in a neighborhood that is so bad, you can get shot while getting shot.
• I was bussed to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.
• Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing; it's a privilege.
• America is the greatest country in the whole world.

So, not that different from any white one of us, except the black part, right?

But there is a marked difference in the Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness of black and of white. (Latinos, Asians, etc., you know what I'm talking about.)

To make a point, Rock also said in front of an audience, "There isn't a white man in America who would trade places with me. And I'm rich."

As one white man later responded: "The only possible reason would be greed, and you would soon come to realize you made a catastrophic decision as soon as you got pulled over on a questionable traffic violation.

I guess that proves a point. The Declaration of the United States of America and its "self-evident truths... " only counts some of the time, depending on where your perspective lies.

That part about "the right to bear arms" though, that counts every second.

Equal is not an elastic word. It is very specific. The truth is, we are lacking in equal, both in fact and opinion. Democracy and morality can not exist in such a world.

I have walked the streets of Nairobi, Kenya in a group of six as part of a two-day stay. There we found ourselves the only white faces in a busy city that might seem like part of old Manhattan if you squinted. The streets were filled with black faces talking, laughing and speaking in english, a primary conversational language there. It is an interesting perspective when situations are reversed. You should try it sometime.

Maybe Lincoln said it best: "A house divided against itself cannot stand." We are either one or we are nothing. Choose!

Wonder if the world disappeared and only a few were left? I was there for two days and, short term, it is incredibly and unbelievably sweet.

If we are all wiped out by the next coronavirus, or the ones sure to follow, and you are one of just a few left,  what would that be like? Picture being left behind at "The Rapture" or Steven King's "The Stand" with a touch of "Deliverance" (without the banjoes), but not really. What's it like for those left behind?

Well, short term, I can tell you, it was an incredible eye-opener. And better yet, unlike the three examples above, it was a wonderful experience without any Twilight Zone 'twist of irony' at the end. And best of all, I didn't drown. Read the story of how it actually came about and stay to the end for the gist of it all.

It happened about 20 years ago when my son and daughter-in-law invited my wife and I (and reluctantly, our beautiful 100 pound chocolate lab) on a two-day canoe adventure on Georgia's Chattahoochee River as it runs through the beautiful, wild Chattahoochee National Forest. (FYI, this is the actual filming site of the movie Deliverance, so you know it is beautiful... and solemnly daunting).

Alix

We had our own canoe, the two of us AND Alix. There were three other canoes with friends.We divided the tents, food, drink and other needs among us.

We had the wine and the dog. What could possibly go wrong?

After positioning one car at our anticipated arrival spot some miles downstream, we drove north and put in about 30 miles upriver, anticipating that first beautiful day with a plan for a nice, natural campsite, good meal and good company that evening.

It kinda worked that way... but as we assessed our load, we were the heaviest (wine weighs a lot) and our canoe sat mere inches above the waterline. Thinking dogs don't count if they aren't human, we were off, with us the forgotten last.

The river was a modest 1 or maybe 2 by Olympic standards, no problem for us tried and tested non swimming crews. (Well, I was non swimming, our dog didn't like the idea and my wife was comfortable in her thoughts that God will always take care of fools.)

About 15 minutes downstream, all 100 pounds of Alix changed position and we were in five feet of roughish water in about 2 seconds. I hit my head on a floating log, bobbing frantically as if 'we' (meaning me) were going to drown.  When that didn't happen, I realized I had lost my glasses and gained a sizable lump on my forehead to show for it. My wife was safe and Alix was already on the shore vowing never again to get in a canoe. The wine was nowhere to be seen or felt as we searched mightily hoping against hope it would come to the surface.

In just those short minutes of a real time Tom Sawyer adventure, we were wet and wine-less. So, with Alix never at rest again, on we damply went and the fun commenced.

About half an hour later, out leading canoeists noticed more of our flotsam drifting past them downstream. After reversing course to fish us out once more, they put us first, kind of like Lewis and Clark putting the most 'bear delicious' people at the head, just in case.

As I recall, there were three more capsizes that day, us, us and us.

Just when we started to get the hang of it and began drying out, our group decided we had found our idyllic stop spot for the night.

Only one problem... we had to transverse a squeezed-in river passage with the water gushing through. I don't have to tell you, we didn't make it. Worse yet, we were standing in fast-moving waist-deep water as if God had flushed the toilet. With the help of the strongest in our group, we formed a human chain and crossed Niagara. Sopped again, we were eventually glad to be on dry land. Dog Alix was so ecstatic that she immediately pooped the biggest poop any of us had ever seen (to this very day) and backed as far away from the water's edge as she could. What a smart dog.

Aground at last and examining our campsite, we found no trace of humankind before us. Not a scrap of paper, remnants of a prior bonfire, old beer cans, etc... so we quickly stuck our flag in the ground and claimed it for the United States of America, hoping to name it after one of us. I visioned "Jerryland, USA" but the party invoked a little known paragraph in The Constitution: "No newly discovered land shall be in the name of someone who cannot swim, ergo, is a real 'pain' near water.

After a delicious but alcohol-free dinner and a warm fire with a magnificent moon above, every ghost tale seemed to sound like I was in it. We slept that evening in a wet tent set on a wet tarp, in wet clothes with a smelling, cuddling wet dog. I slept like the log that banged my forehead.

In the bright, fresh late summer morning, we breakfasted and made ready for a six hour canoe ride to our waiting car. It took three of us to get Alix back into that canoe again. The only human trace we left behind were her frantic claw marks in the ground. Maybe next group will believe a Tyrannosaurus Rex slept here.

It was a remarkably beautiful, dry peddle to our take-out point, recognized as just around the bend by the chatter of several families having fun on the river and beach.

Once ashore we were shocked to see our waiting car had been broken-into with everything inside gone and, as the piece de resistance, the battery too. Welcome back from Camelot. When two officers arrived to register our burgled pain, I swear that the officers could have stepped from any scene in Smokey and the Bandits. After a lot of "Yes Sirs" and "No Sirs" the heavyweight Jackie Gleason look-alike with a neatly pleated and remarkably unwrinkled uniform and hard-formed police stetson said, in effect, "Too bad suckers. Let that be a lesson to you." He stopped a passing pick-up truck and ordered the rough-looking driver with a cigarette dangling from his mouth and his menacing passenger to take two of us to the car we left 30 miles upriver.

Last we saw of the pick-up was a rocky spin of gravel and dust as the pair angrily sped down the gravel road with my son and friend hanging on for dear life in the truck bed. We hoped and prayed we would soon see them alive again and were rewarded when, about an hour later, our two came driving back.

Now here is the gist of this whole story: Thinking back from the moment we put in 36 hours before to our take out and broken-into car, we saw no evidence of any living soul, heard no sound other than Mother Nature's and our own screams, laughs, stories and lies. We didn't see electrical wires, planes overhead or anything related to humankind... no phones, no sinister sound of banjos or human noise... none, nada, zilch. It was just us... just us for two very rich days when the world kindly disappeared for us.

It was a magnificent trip with tales to tell and joys to go around. It was as if no outer world existed for us from start to finish. It was quite majestic for the short while. It was a reflective, rich time for us humans. You'll have to ask Alix for her thoughts though.

With 300 miles to home, we stopped at the first gas station that looked as if the bathrooms would rate at least 2 stars (Wrong. There are none of those.) There we peeled off our sand-infested clothes and threw the shoes away before getting into something clean and dry. We were in heaven again.

So that's what being the only people alive must feel like, even for just two days, with a realization that two days is not a lifetime. Isolation in the time of a coronavirus however, is not the same at all.

Added Related Bonus Feature: It takes two to tango but how many to repopulate the earth? The answer may surprise you.

Stay well friends.

  

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up, STEP RIGHT UP! Everyone's a winner! Bargains galore... "

So you think carnivals are so... out these days. 

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

As #Darwin showed, we have evolved!

Today's carnival is now something we call television and it gets our attention just fine, thank you. The "tease," as the Carnival Barker would say (i.e. the sales pitch) is the program you are watching. And you, dear tv watcher, would be called a "mark" (i.e. patsy) or a "lugen" (really dumb mark) or even a less flattering, "mooch" or "chump" (too embarrassing to define).

So "Mark," ever wonder how many commercials you sit through, time after repeated time, as a simple nuisance for enjoying (?) your favorite show. You wouldn't believe it.

I was watching Good Morning America a few days ago and for fun (and disappointment at myself for dumbly watching every commercial I had already seen a dozen times) I decided to count how lucky I was to get "the pitch." The first part of the show, mostly the good stuff, is without major interruptions for a while, lest they exceed my attention span. But if they 'gotcha,' you have to pay the piper.

How many commercials do you think I was lucky enough to see over the last 41 minutes of the program. Maybe 15, 20, 30? How many? I was curious so I counted. But first, a word from our sponsors.................... (yawn).

Here's the actual commercials list, interspaced with bits of the show so it seems like it was one continual fun fest:

• The New York Times
• Verizon
• Lincoln Automobiles
• Papa Johns
• Flonase
• Neutrogenia
• Seresto
• Fabreze
• Boost
• BlueRay
• Stanley Steemer
• Liberty Mutual
• ABC Local Station Promo

interrupted by local news, weather and traffic

• Weather Master (local)
• Toyota Dealership (local)
• Mark Spain Real Estate (local)
• Clegg's Pest Control (local)
• Weather Master (local repeat)
• Hendrick Automotive (local)
• Door Dash/Uber Eats
• Jersey Mikes
• Folgers
• Pampers

station break

• Tractor Supply Company
• Eastern Carolina University
• Honey's Suckle
• Otezla
• Blue Wilderness Pet Food
• Lincoln Financial
• Walmart
• Lane & Associates Dentistry (local)
• Mark Spain Real Estate (local/repeat)
• Who Wants to be a Millionaire 

Interrupted by local news, weather and traffic

• Michael Jordan Auto (local)
• ABC Virtual Food Drive (local)
• Whitney Law Firm (local)
• Food Lion (local)
• Garner Appliances (local)

... And on to the second hour of GMA.

If you were counting, that is 60 commercials from the 18 minute mark of the hour to the 60 minute mark.. a total of 60 commercials in 42 minutes. Pretty impressive, right? And I watched them all.

How many did you guess at first? Bet it wasn't 60. And of course, this pattern repeated in the second hour of the show. And it continues plus/minus through the day. The overnight hours are special as they try to fit in even more because who can stop watching an old 2 hour movie that takes 3 hours of sleep to watch?

This is the greater Raleigh. NC market which is probably average, but If you find that hard to believe, do the count yourself. Didn't realize how smart you were, did you "Mark." Oh, sorry. I thought that was your name.

Now here's a poser: If you are watching cable TV or any other pay to view source, you will always experience rate bloat. As your loyalty continues, your monthly bill as a faithful customer continues to increase, sometimes with little teeny extra charges and sometimes in a big gulp. Consumer Reports says the typical cable customer pays $450 per year in company imposed fees... a 24% surcharge on top of advertised prices.

And the topper is that your cable company will give the best offer to the newest stooge... er customer while you,  loyal watcher, are paying a premium... for what?

Just call us lugens I guess.

If you think money doesn't talk, how many basketball arenas, baseball parks and football stadiums have names like Wrigley Field or Fenway Park anymore. Today they are most often Tropicana Field, Sun Trust Park, Coors Field, etc.