The stupid button

The stupid button. We all have one. And it does not have anything to do with intelligence. A stupid button is more like a brain fart, but I couldn't find a picture of one of those.

A 2010 Harvard study found that the average person's mind wanders 47 percent of the time. Nearly half of your life, you're doing one thing and thinking something else. Compounding that, your distractions have more than quintupled (from 8.2 percent just last February to 35.2 percent in May, likely because of this pandemic and all it brings forward says research done by The Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas... stuff we have never experienced in our lifetime. 

That's us on hyperdrive.

So what does that all mean? Well, it literally means we are not always paying attention to the matter at hand and we are more prone to brain farts and impulsive moments that often come with consequences.

A true story of one of those: A number of years back, my wife an I were on a vacation in our RV.  Pulling our car behind us one rainy dusk evening on our way to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, we started slowly up a steep incline. On the two-lane road, a car coming toward us crested the hill about 50 yards ahead. Then, out of nowhere, another car started to pass the oncoming car at high speed. I was driving and instinctively hollered "Oh oh, watch out." In a "life -passing-in-front-of-you" moment, I knew there were no viable options for us to get out of the way and I started to brake as hard as I dared while trying to control the RV and tow.

I watched helplessly as the passing car accelerated rapidly. The driver tried to complete the pass and overshot his lane. As he attempted to turn back he lost a tire and any control he might have had. He (and his pregnant girlfriend) T-boned the left front of our RV at high speed.

It was over in 10 seconds or less. 

Being a bigger/taller vehicle, the impact totaled our RV even bending the frame, and badly damaged our tow car, pulling us into a ditch on our left and pinning their car, on edge, between us and the hillside. The airbags and seat belts did their job and we came up shaken but not stirred. It all happened so fast that none of that mili-second was recalled until we pieced it all together in our minds. 

They died instantly as I would see. I leaped from our damaged but upright RV to offer help. I peeked down, into the driver's side broken window of the sandwiched car. One look told the story.

The police worked to comfort us saying that we, in fact, were the real victims. If we had been in a car, they said, we would also be dead. The driver was well known in the area, a speed demon and a 'hot dog.' They knew some day, something bad like this might happen. Sadly, the driver's spur of the moment brain fart cost three lives.

Perhaps not so strange in retrospect, the car being passed was driven by the victim's sister who was carrying the driver's first child, a two-plus year-old boy, safely in an infant seat in the rear. She rushed to the wreckage and seeing the carnage, screamed... then, in panic, hurriedly asked my wife to sit with the little fellow while she rushed up the hill to get cell service and call the parents. 

The little boy kept saying "poor man, poor man" as she sat with him. We were still trying to comprehend it all.

Studies prove no one 'multi-tasks' as good as they may believe they do. But most of us get by, thank God. 

Ever have a moment in your life when you realized 'that car' could have hit you broadside, or perhaps in a lightning storm, you were in the wrong place to be and still 'lived?' Maybe you forgot the name of the person just introduced to you 10 seconds earlier, or locked your keys in the car, or asked "When are you expecting?" when she wasn't, or trying to move the piano by yourself. What were you thinking? Oh, you weren't.

Social media platforms are ideal for brain farts. You post something and seconds later, wish you hadn't, but it is too late. Your brain fart will live forever. When was the last time that happened? Oh, five minutes ago? Good luck.

The reality is that brain farts are real and they have always been with us in big and small ways. General Custer made a Big Horn mistake of judgement and Napoleon met his Waterloo. Businesses often come and go on impulsive decisions.  In our every day world, we grab that first piece of too hot pizza, or open our mouths before we think and are surprised at the words that come out.

Ever have a pandemic and don't wear a mask or social distance? Sometimes you get burned or worse, someone else 'pays' your dues. Every brain fart has a consequence, though most, gratefully, are not consequential. When we lie, when we yell or cuss or are rude or worse... the bell has been rung and it cannot be unrung. 

Best we can do is be mindful... but even then, we are thinking of something else. All of us, wise or not, have a little 'Alfred E. Neuman' in us. "What, me worry?" Thanks to Mad Magazine for showing us what a brain fart looks like.

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What does America want? America has spoken: It wants Brandon Leake!

With covid-19 wrecking havoc and forcing most of us to stay home, the chorus shouts "Thank God for television!" We know it well... and also every single repeated commercial that often insults ,which we blindly watch.

 Books? What are books compared to TV which frees up our hands for important stuff like nachos or popcorn or dinner on a tray in front of the television. Now that's living. Books can't do that.

TV does have some--ok, maybe one or two--redeeming values... like the Golden Buzzer of America's Got Talent.

 As someone who pretends not to watch, I occasionally peek at an open screen and find myself trapped between a rock and my wife. So naturally, tears were flowing as the 1 millionth season of AGT (as we aficionados like to say), ended by choosing the best of the best, the $1 million winner, by popular vote... a lyrical poet who doesn't even play an instrument, amaze with magic, shoot arrows at people spinning really fast, cracking a bull whip, flipping a yoyo or singing and dancing. Yes, admittedly, there really are great talents in many areas all over America. Really, there are. This time... the right time, it was Brandon Leake chosen the best.

Why is this really revealing of how much of America at this time, does think and feel this need. It is tender and touching and talented poetic prose by a young man whose talent won over every other form of entertainment, simply using the spoken word, and using it very well indeed.

He touched hearts when hearts needed touching. He reached into our souls to surprisingly bring tender feeling to the forefront. This, in our today world that is feeling anything but tender, we see conflict, anger, outrage, hate, hard feelings and hopelessness. Want to see/hear one of his winning pieces. Go here.

I guess America needed that. Deep down, we are still there. We still need stories so tender that make us cry or laugh, or remember... stories that evoke empathy and passion. I don't know about you but I go to bed too many nights feeling concerned and scared of what is happening. It is seldom win-win. It is mostly I win-you lose, haha. This isn't the promise of America... or anywhere. I'm more than just a little sick of the whole thing and want the real sun to com up tomorrow.

Years and years ago, in the early days of live television (no taping to get it perfect), there was a program called "Queen for a Day." I remember it being enormously popular because it featured women in real need of some of the simple things of life. This was a different time in America where many homes seemed to lack a refrigerator (rather than an ice box which was just what it sounds like) or other home essentials. It was a tear-fest of real woe. These were folks who had a difficult time putting food on the table. (Some things never seem to change.) And the host, Jack Bailey, would hear the stories and ask the questions. "So how old were you when your father lost his job... your house burned down... your best friend was hit by a car... the shark ate your baby... " 

At the end of the half-hour show, the audience would applaud as the host put his hand over the head of each woman. The applause meter (which was controlled by someone offstage offering a guess of the loudest) that would determine the winner--or, the most needy loser--and she would get a beautiful new refrigerator... or washing machine... or whatever she lacked, and be crowned on a throne-like seat, presented with a bouquet of roses and cry as the audience cheered. Bob Bailey would say. "You, Mary Smith, are QUEEN FOR A DAY! Then the audience of women would cry. There would be a song, not unlike the winner of the Miss America Pageant, as the program ended.

We are all in-tune for a story that touches our hearts but these days, there are too few of those, too many of the other kind that "shiver our timbers."Aye, matey!

                               VOTE!

A LESSON IN PERSPECTIVE: What makes you so different from Jeff Bezos? Don't we all put our pants on one leg at a time?

This is Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon and a good many other things, and his ex-wife, Mackenzie Scott. We are just like them in a lot of ways... we breath, eat, sleep, bleed, etc.

But here's a test: If you are walking down the street and see a dollar bill on the sidewalk, what would that look like if you were Jeff Bezos? You see a dollar but he sees $850,000. He is so rich, he has $850,000 (or more) for every dollar you, average person, have. Imagine that!

Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world at $100 billion-plus. His ex-wife is in the picture because she is in the top 25 richest, worth a modest $36 billion. I'd call that a win-win divorce. So what's the secret everyone should know... if you want to be rich, marry Jeff Bezos... or his ex-wife.

Fact is, most of the very rich have made it themselves, thanks to our tech explosion and new ideas that spring from that. Hats off to the self-made. 

But this isn't about who is richest, it is about personal perspective... our view of life verses his or hers. 

• One mile to us is like infinity to space.
• One good meal a day is like everything to someone who is starving of hunger or dying of thirst.
• One roof over our head is like all the streets and places of the homeless.
• One ocean cruise to us is like all of those refugees trying to find safer grounds for their families and risk their lives at sea and elsewhere in the most unsafe ways for freedom.

It is not only that we are so alike as human beings but that we are so different when it comes to living within our body or viewing the world from our eyes. The world looks and feels different if you are poor or unhealthy or of a different race or place in the world. Try to understand that. Those without do not choose that path. Birthrights are not evenly spaced.

All of which brings us to a twisted Golden Rule: He/she who has the gold, rules. And with means comes opportunity that those less off do not have. 

The richest have experienced great financial gains in the last decade. The top 5 percent have grown by $4.8 million on average while the net worth of families in the lower tiers of wealth have lost ground, decreasing by about 20 percent from 2007 to 2016.

The Stock Market gains have benefitted the wealthy almost unilaterally as 84 percent of stocks are owned by the top 10 percent of the wealthy.

How can we be so alike and so different?

While it is so true that things like cancer, heart attacks, etc. and all of life's maladies don't care how much money or power one has. It's cancer for all. Money cannot buy happiness and health but it does make whatever life led, so much easier to manage with so many more options. The only thing poverty buys is more poverty. And that's how fast we are dividing.

Having money in abundance does come with options, and responsibilities, those less fortunate do not have.  To live in this world, we all have to be human beings and as such, owe each other common decency. If it were not for those who clean up after us, those who don't would have a real mess on their hands. Those who are ill need those who offer care. Those who own businesses need those who work, Those who seek education need teachers, and so on. 

Rich or poor, we have an interdependence to one another. If one group fails, we all fail, even if we don't realize that in the moment. Be mindful, the earlier America that set the stage was built largely on the backs of slaves. 

Biblically stated, the real Golden Rule says "That which you do to the least of our brothers, that, you do for me." Or simply, treat others as you would like to be treated...  fairly, with respect, with dignity, with empathy for problems that exist for them but not even close for you. 

While money tends to divide, humanity does not.

With all the divisiveness that is, 'today normal,' we really must do better, because THIS, is ridiculous.

Step 1: VOTE

Step2: STAND UP FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES.

Step 3: LISTEN WITHOUT MALICE AND TRY TO SEE ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE.

Step 4: DON'T FORGET TO VOTE.

The world has, and always will have, bad actors. I guess we can blame Adam and Eve for that. But don't presume they are everyone that has a different path than you. 

Here's a story to share... a zen story with a good message.

It's a tale by award winning author/artist Jon J. Muth in this book, Zen Shorts, one of his many.

There are three beautifully illustrated stories in the book which was on The New York Times bestseller list for 41 months. This story, A Heavy Load, tells of two traveling monks who come across a young woman carried in a sedan chair. It makes my point.

"The rains had made deep puddles and she couldn't step across without spoiling her silken robes. She stood there, looking very cross and impatient. She was scolding her attendants. They had nowhere to place the packages they held for her, so they couldn't help her across the puddle.

"The younger monk noticed the woman, said nothing, and walked by. The older monk quickly picked her up and put her on his back, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other side. She didn't thank the older monk, she just shoved him out of the way and departed.

"As they continued on their way, the young monk was brooding and preoccupied. After several hours, unable to hold his silence, he spoke out. 'That woman back there was very selfish and rude, but you picked her up on your back and carried her! Then she didn't even thank you!'

"I set the woman down hours ago," the older monk replied. "Why are you still carrying her?"

That's Zen for you... whatever that is.

FYI insert: Zen is essentially a state of being at peace with your own thoughts, and being self-aware of your place in the universe, inconsequential (and simultaneously essential). After all, Buddha is not considered a god but the belief is that he achieved ultimate enlightenment through the process of zen meditation.  www.scienceabe.com >humans >what-is-the-concept-of-zen 

And yes, I work on mindfulness and do yoga but to rate my skill, if this were martial arts, my belt color would be toilet-paper white. But it is a rewarding mentality at any level. More of that here.

So here is the point: In today's world, conflict, angst and anger dominate the news and our lives it seems. That is so stressful, it hurts. Stress is really is not healthy for your body or mind. The most direct way to a better you is simple in definition--don't let things get to you--but so hard in practice and downright impossible, it seems at times. Well, that's why starting small is the only way to go. Even God didn't create the world in a day.

Stress is a one-way street. We carry so much on our shoulders that starts with conflict, angst and anger.

Here's another short story, one I know personally. I grew up living next to my maternal grandparents... Italian immigrants, wonderful people. My grandmother loved to shop, but never a driver, she took a streetcar (yes, it ran on rails) downtown at least once a week. Coming home at dusk one evening, she stepped off the streetcar and was hit by a driver not paying attention. She was hospitalized for a week or more to repair broken bones, but even after those healed, she was never the same. She died about six months later. I don't know what happened to the driver who hit her but it makes no difference. The damage was done.

My mother carried hate and contempt for the individual a long time after. She talked about it even to us kids. It seemed to eat her alive. Then, one day after talking with a friend, she had a revelation. She forgave the driver. She actually told us she forgave him, and from that moment on, my mom was herself again. The tension seemed to leave her body and she could laugh and enjoy life once more. We all saw it and marveled.

That is not an easy thing to do. It may even involve counseling or any other third party to 'turn the switch,' but the lesson learned is worth every effort. Depending on the severity of the issue, the memory of what happened will never leave but your reaction to it is remarkably healthier for you and all who love you.

So she stopped hating. Thank God.

The moral of both stories is that carrying contempt forward affects only one person... the person who carries contempt forward. The despised person has no idea nor does he/she care, one way or another.

One of the core values of zen (or mindfulness) is understanding yourself from a different mental perspective and practicing how you get there. If you click my link above or here  I'll tell you about an interesting, easy read book by ABC newsman Dan Harris called "10 % Happier" that made it simple for me to understand and take my first willing steps even if I wasn't sure I wanted to. What I liked most about this book is that Harris talks of his concerns and some skepticism about meditation/mindfulness up front and takes you through discovery and his proof. It was a really interesting down-to-earth read for people like me... and maybe you.
  

"With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good-street."

That 
was Dr. Seuss
(Theodor Seuss Geisel) talking. He left us in 1991 at age 87 but his simple logic has enthralled children, kids, young adults and parents. His colorful books took us from infants to adults. Perhaps no one has inspired young people more with fun and reason than him.

The question then is where do those youngsters and young adults have their own voice to be heard when they have their own thoughts, concerns and angst in these difficult covid-stained days? Our young are brilliant, if not yet enmeshed in a pre-shaped world that proposes to know it all for them.

What are their worries, fears, opinions and ideas? How do things look from their perspective? They have a big stake in the game and should have a voice. They should have answers. They should be heard.

Once a month The New York Times publishes a very impressive 12-page Sunday section exclusively for kids that is filled with everything in context with their world. The current issue, for example, has stories on juvenile detention at the border, the Coronavirus (of course), fossil preparation, masks, several features on race coupled with youngster submitted content on bias, prejudice, micro-aggression, privilege, culture, double standard, ethnicity, history, ethnicity, new school rules, quarantine hair, epic Sandwich ideas, contests, lots of Q and A and original content. It does not talk down to today's kids and is graphic-perfect for it's audience.

And kids have a say:

• "I belong in any room I enter, even if nobody looks like me."
• "Our generation speaks up for ourselves and for each other."
• "I want to be known for being funny or nice, not because of my race."
• "Why are they hating on other people because of the color of their skin?"
• "I feel like I can always do something and that is showing up for people.

It also carries an Editor's Note: THIS SECTION SHOULD NOT BE READ BY GROWN-UPS. It is inspiringly fresh in its perspective and hits the target of what kids want to know because they are involved big time.

There are grass roots efforts of the young reaching out to their peers. My favorite is the web page Covid Youth Project by Rio Baran, a bright young lady from Maryland who I know well. She is my granddaughter.

"Covid Youth Project creates a space for high schoolers to share their experiences as we go through this pandemic. Every story adds to a collective understanding of us teens with diverse backgrounds, beliefs and perspectives," she says. "By connecting through our stories, we can epithetically, kindly and fiercely move through this hard time. As the data accumulates, we can use it to help one another and self-advocate. History is made of stories. We have to make sure the world has a place for ours.

Click on the link and give it a listen.



"Yes, of course we are pretentious--what else is youth for?" Julian Barnes, author of Flaubert's Parrot and Man Booker Prize winner for The Sense of Ending.

"I'm not young enough to know everything." J.M. Barrie who wrote Peter Pan

"Passion rebuilds the world for youth. It makes all things alive and significant." Ralph Waldo Emerson, poet