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Friday, February 3, 2012

If you care about your health, you'll care about this... or not.


There are 5,200 (give or take a few hundred) medical journals published in the U.S. today... most, sad to say, without cartoons. There is everything from Head and Face Medicine  to Foot Injuries and Disorders, with illustrations to make you cringe. Perhaps that is why Big Fat Whale cartoonist Brian McFadden's fictitious Journal of Obscure Medial Conditions is my favorite.

His magazine details Bacon Intolerance, Crazy Racist Hands, Chronic Cheeto Fingers, Humor Blindness, Restless Lungs Syndrome, Jizz Breath, Constant Sarcasm Disorder and Anal Pooping... all the things to cause us concern. Have a look-see at his very technical drawings that, by themselves, give us something more to worry about... him.

Melinda Beck, Wall Street Journal’s health reporter, talks about the medical market's wide range, citing  “Applied Immunohistochemistry & Molecular Morphogrphy (really) to Gut,

But, she suggests, maybe 5,200 is not enough. “I think there should be two more… Duh! for findings that never seemed to be in doubt in the first place, and  Huh? for those whose usefulness remains obscure, at least to lay readers.

Duh!’s first issue could include findings such as these:

  • Toddlers become irritable when prevented from taking naps.
  • Cats make humans do what they want by purring.
  • TV crime dramas inaccurately portray violent crime in America
  • People with high IQs make wise economic decisions.

"Huh?’s first issue could contain these head-scratchers:

  • Men are better than women at hammering in the dark.
  • Young orangutans, gorillas, chimpanzees and bonobos laugh when tickled.
  • Neither alcohol (in him) nor makeup (in her) affect a man’s ability to guess a woman’s age.
  • The more abundant the hair, the greater the tendency to collect belly-button lint.”

I always thought the greatest mystique doctors hold is that  “We know stuff you don’t.” So how is one going to retain that aura if there aren’t thousands of findings to read about and interesting tidbits to drop in a timely manner?

“Actually, Mr. Jones, your enormous quantity of belly-button lint is because you are so, er, hirsute… not to worry. And by the way, Jones, don’t tickle your orangutan or he may slap you on the back in delight... and you know how strong they are. And don’t believe everything you see on TV. Now, go home and hammer in the dark, then take two aspirins and call me in the morning. That will be $79 dollars.”

“Thank you, Doctor... you are so knowing. Just send the bill to my insurance company.”

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