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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Drive safe. Be safe...

... and have a wonderful new year. 

Here's the deal: New president... thank God. Renewed spirit, New springtime. Still, and always, land of greatest opportunity and freedom, etc. 

Just want to say, Happy New Year! (Someone said --oh yeah...that great philosopher, Owen Wilson in Marley and Me... that if you use an exclamation point, it is like laughing at your own joke. So maybe I'd better say good-by to last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -with strong emphasis on the exclamation points.)

We still only have two or three wars, depending on which day you count, economic problems up the Wazoo (think that is the name of a river in Mississippi), too few jobs to go around, foreclosures and fiveclosures, mixed opportunities, health care problems, global warming, etc... but we have an ace in the hole...

HOPE (no exclamation point).

What is it about Alabama?

So in out holiday travels, we drove from NC to Dallas, TX (with the dogs) to visit one of our great families. Small drive. Only 1150 miles, one overnight in Jackson, MI... the state that never stops trying to be 49th at something.

Back to Alabama though. Drove successfully through two huge speed traps... one before B'ham and one after. First sting had 10 chaser cars busy as we drove by. Second had only six or seven, but there, two officers were on an overpass "shooting cars." 

My guess... state needed money and one of the 39 incredibly important bowl games... the Papa John Bowl or something or other, was there the next day. Voila! Opportunity.

Those buggers.

Friday, December 26, 2008

My proudest moment (that day)

At Christmas eve dinner with my two beloved Boston families, we were joined by another couple--friends--a doctor and her attorney husband. Conversation flowed easily, from interesting topic to interesting topic. Then we touched on character traits and I saw my opening:

"The three stooges had a poignant short on that just 50 years ago."

Imagine that! environment and heredity and the three stooges. Who would'a thought? But I did it and hardly anyone thought I was an idiot... more or less.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukah to all

When you stop to count your blessings, there aren't enough fingers and toes to even come close. Christmas season creates the mood to reflect in a way ordinary days too often don't.

So, thank you God for all we have...especially our loves: those we love, those who love us and the love that we share with our fellow man.

Help and blessings, please, to those who have needs, great and small. Special attention please to those who have greater needs of all kinds. You, God, know who they are in all of the world.

Help and bless those who hate, who seek revenge, who have hardened hearts and minds, who abuse power and trust, who victimize... may you allow them all one step closer to humankind.

Grant hope, faith in goodness if not in God, love and peace to all.

Thank you for all... and not insignificant, the blessing of allowing us to laugh at ourselves from time to time. It's nuts out there, but it's all we have on this earth. So thank you for all the important stuff... and the perspective to know what is and what isn't.

With love, Jerry

The Perfect Christmas Gifts

Tom had beautiful long hair, blond and to his shoulders--Prince Valiant style, that he was so proud of. And his wife, Mary, had this incredible purse watch accurate to the hundredths of a second, that was her most treasured possession. They both desperately wanted to get the other something very special for Christmas but they were poor as church mice.

Then, as if the Christmas angel had touched their hearts at the same exact moment with her wand, they each had a grand idea... and off they went to do their 'secret' gift stuff.

That Christmas eve, they wrapped their gifts for one another in the most beautiful paper they could find. Then, by the light of their tiny fireplace, Mary asked Tom why he kept his hat on... and Tom asked Mary what time it was... but each quickly changed the subject. They blissfully held hands and with the warm glow of the fire and their deep love for each other reflecting in their eyes, they exchanged gifts.

It was a wonder to behold. As they opened each others' gifts, they exchanged smiles, then hugs as they collapsed on each other crying tears of joy. Holding their gifts, they reflected on the deeper meaning. There, almost identical, were two hearts made from red construction paper with dried macaroni glued to it, spelling the words: "I wov u snookie wookie."

As for the hair and the pocket watch, are you out of our mind. Those things really mean something to them.

Sorry. Christmas truely is deeper than that... but I couldn't resist the urge. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good year.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

For Lexophiles (lovers of words) Only

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Published with permission of John Mark Ministries


Friday, December 12, 2008

Full Moon Tonight...

In fact, it is the brightest full moon we will see til 2016, because in its elliptical path as it coordinates with earth's revolution around the sun, it is nearer than anytime since 1993. (Raise your hand if you remember that.)

It is noticeably larger... and absolutely brilliant!

On average, the moon is a mere 238,856 miles, 1672.7 yards away (center to center). It takes the moon's reflective light 1.2 seconds to reach us. Tonight, that very same moon is only 221,559 miles away. (Sounds like a sale, doesn't it?)

This brings to my mind, the unscientifically proven moon madness theory which emergency room doctors, bartenders, police officers and nursing home attendants will swear to be true. A full moon is said by many to induce all kinds of crazy behavior with predictable results... the height of agitation to say the least.

I am just back from visiting my mom in a nursing home. Last night, it was chaotic. The 16 people in her wing were bouncing off the walls. The meek were bold. The sitters were wanderers. The silent were talking like they were being interviewed. Gratefully though, no werewolves. Nurses and attendants know without looking that the moon is full. Happens every time, they say.

As I say, it's nuts out there... and a little magnificent too.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Ode to a Greek Urn...more or less.

When a British schoolboy was unable to remove a vase that was stuck on his head (don't ask me how or why), his mom took him to the hospital on a city bus for a medically approved removal. Apparently, hospitals have better hammers. In an attempt to make the boy look more normal to the other passengers, she placed a school cap on top of the vase... but, according to reports, refrained from drawing a smiley face... because it might look 'too fakey.'

Best joke I heard in the last 5 minutes...

A tough old Marine told his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Big news!

Belk, a department store in our area (like Bergner's Del), is having a big ONE DAY SALE... with an additional 15% off all other sales. And that ONE DAY is Friday and Saturday. Hmmm. Long day.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Interesting statistic

The average cost to treat a bullet wound: $17,000. Life is so unfair... where would a phesant get $17,000?

Elvis died in 1977...or did he?

In looking back, I found something I wrote when "The King's" craze was nearer it's peak:

When Elvis Presley died in 1977, there were 48 Elvis impersonators. In 1996, there were 7,328. If this rate of growth continues, by the year 2012, one person in every four will be an Elvis impersonator. And it will be just our luck that one of those will someday run for President.

Whoa! Was I close or what? Today, there are at least four Elvis impersonator associations: The Professional Elvis Impersonators Association (PEIA), The Association of Professional Elvis Presley Tribute Artists (APEPTA), Elvis Presley Impersonators International Association (EPIIA) and the National Association of Amateur Elvis Impersonators (NAAEI). I'm not kidding.

Now about one of them running for President, the only person I could rule out for sure last election was Dennis Kucinich. He just didn't have the voice.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

First, be sure you have read the item below this one...

...now you can read on. The comedians call that, 'the set-up.'

With the universe so unbelievably large, how can we possibly see ourselves as vital, insignificant as we are in the scheme of things. One of my favorite stories:

Two men were walking on the beach, naturally littered with washed-on-the-shore starfish. Every few steps, one of the men would stop, pick up a starfish and throw it back into the sea. After this had happened about half-dozen times, the other man chided him.

"Why are you doing that? There are thousands of starfish on the beach. You really can't make a difference."

First man flipped the starfish he was holding back into the ocean. "I can to that one."

Moral of the story: Everyone can make a difference to someone. So what are you waiting for?

Monday, December 1, 2008

Not again til 2052

Unbelievably beautiful! Tonight (Monday, Dec. 1, 2008) the moon, Venus and Jupiter form a close triangle in the rich black sky... like jewels on velvet. This sight will not reoccur until Nov. 18, 2052. Breathtaking!

Is there anything more awesome than the our sky... our universe? The unbelievable enormity. Our earth is so big that it can host 7 billion people and counting. And even though oceans and seas cover two-thirds of its surface, the open space we can see sometimes makes one wonder where all the people are. Yet, in the scheme of things, we are so small that we are almost insignificant in the scale of it all. 

One light second is 192,000 miles... the time it takes light to travel that distance. Our universe is estimated to be 4 to 5 billion light years across. That is, 192,000 miles x 60 seconds x 60 minutes x 24 hour x 365 days x 4 to 5 billion years! 

There are about 10 billion stars in the average galaxy, say the astronomers.  They estimate 10 billion galaxies in the universe. So how many does that make? the easy answer is 100 billion billion stars bigger than our earth. And, percentage-wise, our eyes see almost none of them!

How can that be? I am so humbled.

Friday, November 28, 2008

It doesn't get much better than this!

Kathy and I were walking our two dogs with step-son Chad and his two dogs this morning. When Chad's Zoe pooped, I had the plastic bag and Chad had two dogs going in opposite directions. So I was the picker-upper.

When Chad said, "No, that's my job," Kathy reassured him. "Don't worry. Jerry is the King of Poop."

Of course! I realized had found my true self and was justifiably proud. I did my thing with a flourish. (High fives, etc.)

Then I thought... Wait a second. King of Poop. What is better that that? I guess I could earn my Ace of Poop with a little hard work and lots of practice.

Does that make the ultimate, Joker of Poop... or am I already there?
  

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Friend of mine loaned me an interesting book.

Coffee shop buddy Ed thought I might enjoy "The Words We Live By," a book by Brian Burrell. It is subtitled "The creeds, mottoes, and pledges that have shaped America." Ed's right. I enjoyed.

Do you know, for example, that the motto of the US Postal Service really isn't? The words, "Neither snow, nor rain, nor gloom of night..." were written as an inscription on New York City's main postal building. Nothing more, nothing less...but still a good read and better image. Forty-two cents still goes a long way.

Did you know that The Golden Rule, "Do unto others..." is repeated in many languages and by many religions and organizations in one form or another..."What is right for one is fair for another", "Do good to yourself with as little evil as possible to another," etc. because it espouses fairness.

There is a Declaration of Principles by the Pacific Ice Cream Manufacturer's Association, The Boy Scout's Laws, The Marquess of Queensberry rules that govern boxing, A Mid-wife's Oath, Parkinson's Laws, Murphy's Laws, etc.

Of course, the book covers all of the biggies... The Pledge Allegiance, Ten Commandments and more... but its greatest interest to me is in it's coverage of the obscure:

A Stick-Up Man's Code (I will not kill anyone unless I have to, I will take cash and food stamps--no checks, I will rob only seven months out of the year...you get the idea), The Chicago Cubs team rules from 1913 (No, one of the rules was NOT to ever win another World Series) and my favorite, a list compiled by the owner of New York's Empire Diner: Be nice. Don't shout. Sit up straight. Don't play with your food. Have a nice day. Take care. Don't be a stranger. Murry, call your mother.

Monday, November 24, 2008

One thing you won't see in our Christmas letter

Sorry. If you get our Christmas letter this year, we won't tell you everything. Kathy will not describe my prostate exam which she sat in on in the doctor's office.

In fact, that didn't happen. But it was reported as being part of the Christmas letter sent out by Kansas City mayor, Mark Funkhouser and his wife, Gloria Squitiro. The letter was excerpted on the internet last year with resulting national publicity as you might guess.

The strange-seeming love affair between Mayor Funkhouser and wife Ms Squitiro is legendary in this 450,000 population Missouri city. The couple is so close that Ms Suitiro literally moved into the Mayor's office in 2007 when he did. She acted as his council, scheduled his appointments and consulted and (sometimes, it was said) made mayoral decisions. She also made many enemies for her controlling, intruding and devisive manner. She was not on the payroll, she was just the mayor's wife with, as the Mayor says, a right to be at his side.

The situation became so intrusive that, as reported in the Wall Street Journal, the City Council effectively banished her from City Hall. Now, the Mayor is suing his own city insisting he needs his wife at his side. And maybe he does. She ran his campaign, runs his schedule, helps him conduct interviews and, it appears, is quite dominant in his life.

Three observations: 1) This, a very few say, is just a case of true love. 2) I'm glad I don't live in Kansas City. 3) That prostate thing. Are you kidding me?

In search of an honest man

Ever hear of J.P Hayes? He is a 43-year-old golf pro...and an honest man. Hayes hasn't won a pro golf tournament in six years. Worse, his performance this year was below the money winnings minimum for the right to play PGA tournaments in 2009. So, at this late stage in his pro career, he had to requalify with all of today's young aspirants, for his professional tour card--his ticket to play. And it looked like he made it.

Funny thing happened though. He discovered, after returning to his hotel room after a round, that he had accidentally used an unapproved golf ball for two shots. Just two shots. And he was the only one who knew it.

What to do, what to do. Shut up and play...or blow the whistle on himself. Be a tournament qualified pro golfer or be an ex-tournament qualified pro golfer. Remember, the man makes his living playing golf.

So he literally 'fired himself.' He reported his error and was, as per the rules, disqualified.

Dumb? A few say so. Hayes isn't one of those. "I would say everybody out here (on the PGA Tour) would have done the same thing. It's not the end of the world."

J.P. Hayes, an honest man... in a pretty honest sport. Refreshing.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

China + India = 36% of the world's population

Wow! China has 1.3 million people (to top out at 1.8 billion in the next 10 years). India has 1.1 billion people. And the United States is third in the population list with a measly 300-plus million. 

Recently, the Wall Street Journal ran a story, "India's ambitious infrastructure plans," with a photo of workers at a road construction site. There wasn't a bulldozer, scraper or machinery of any kind in the picture. Instead, it showed a seemingly endless line of squatting women in traditional Indian garb with small, wooden handled hoes, scraping at rather undefined brown dirt. One weeks' production of the worker's efforts could easily be equaled in no time by a Caterpillar road grader.

This past spring, Kathy and I were in China. There we saw a massive renovation project underway at one of the historical sites we visited. We saw hundreds of men and women working with small hand tools chip, chip, chipping away on the plaza dirt without the aid of anything mechanical. 

Well, I guess if the 1,500-mile-long Great Wall happened, the pyramids built and Stonehenge erected, all before the birth of Christ and Caterpillar tractors, then why not? But the mind-blowing thought is, this isn't 'B.C.', there are Caterpillars, and were do all the people come from? 

These are not third-world countries--you should see their big cities--though you might not know it from some viewpoints. The humanity alone, however, makes them very different than us...  36% of the world population, different customs, different problems, different solutions. 

You think they won't greatly shape how the world goes forward? Wrong! 
  

As above, so below; as below, so above - Aphorism II

The U.S. Supreme court may soon determine whether one Utah city has a legal obligation to erect a monument honoring the Seven Aphorism of Summum, a local religion founded in 1975 by Claude "Corky" Nowell, who goes by his religious name, Corky Ra. The founding concept of the religion came after a visit from "beings Extraterrestrial," according to Ra. The Seven Aphorisms (truths), he says, actually came down the mountain with Moses... along with the Ten Commandments. The Seven Aphorisms were 'tossed' when Moses figured people weren't ready for them yet so he went with the primer version.

The reason the highest court in the land may hear this case is that the state court ruled in favor of Summum saying the city must put up the monument because to exclude it would create a bias against a specific group. (Technically, according to the ruling, this could be any group, religious or otherwise.) The city contends it has no legal obligation to allow a monument to any group that wants one.

Wall Street Journal columnist, Daniel Henninger writes: "Laughable though it looks, Pleasant Grove City v. Summum is a text-boook example of tensions that have pulled our courts between noble reading of the Constitution--in this case, the First Amendment's speech protections--and what the average person might call the common-sense requirements of running a civil society.

"This is the sort of case that cries out for the judicial wisdom of Solomon, long dead in the U.S. Indeed it was the departure from common-sense wisdom that pitched the country into endless legal thickets, most notably the ruined learning environments in public schools...  A win here for Summum and its Seven Aphorisms likely would cause many cities to wash their hands of the problem by clearing their parks of all monuments, a desolate result."

Another voice for common sense... what a stupid idea. 

 

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Curious George, eat your heart out.

If you have children and/or grandchildren, you know Curious George, the little monkey from Africa that lives with his friend, the man in the yellow hat. You have to wonder, though, if George could have done better. 

Florida police were looking for a shoplifter who was described as wearing a yellow shirt, yellow trousers and a yellow tie. He allegedly stole a dozen yellow Scotch eggs, yellow jellies, yellow mustard, yellow cheese, three pair of yellow socks and two pair of yellow underpants. His favorite color? Blue would be a bad guess. 

In New York, a woman shoplifter took $300 worth of razor blades and hemorrhoid medication. Why would she do something like this? I don't care and I certainly don't want to know.

Last winter, two New Jersey guys hijacked a truck filled with toilet seats and bed pans. Hope they get the opposite of the electric chair--'the cold seat.' (Get it?)

And while we are on the subject, don't rule out the person who shot his brother for using six of his eight rolls of toilet paper in two days. Don't ask.

Think I made these up? I'm not that imaginative.

Today was Bunco day at my house

Bunco...a mindless woman's game played with dice that serves as a catalyst for laughing, screaming and gossiping. No strategy. Just roll the dice, stupid. Sure, men can play bunco, but hey... we are men. We wrestle, spit, scratch, watch sports on TV and other intelligent stuff. But men play bunco? Get real. (Caveat: every year around Christmas, the ladies bless us with, are you ready for this?... a husband and wife bunco/pot luck dinner. How thoughtful.)

The word Bunco comes from an old Spanish game played with dice that morphed into a dishonest gambling game in the early 1900s. It was from there the police began using the name to identify those detectives who chased scam artists, con men and swindlers. They called this group the 'bunco squad'.  You heard a lot about the bunco squad when Joe Friday (remember Jack Webb?) was an LAPD detective on Dragnet (dum, da-dum-dum)

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Dog Whisperer philosophy and a bad joke

Cesar Millan is The Dog Whisperer and his show on the National Geo channel is always worth a watch... especially if you are a 'dog person.' A few years back, in the pages of National Geographic magazine, Cesar capsuled his dog control philosophy. 

"If you don't tell a dog what to do, it will tell you what to do...a dog is first an animal, then a dog, then a breed, and the its name.

"Unconditional love isn't enough to control a dog.  Dogs don't follow an emotional leader. They follow the dominant leader.  We are the only species that follow an unstable leader."

Some of the more powerful leaders don't... or can't control their dogs. "When you see the President of the United States coming out of Air Force One, you always see the dog  in front. When you see the President going inside the White House, you see the dog going inside first."

Well, the Obama kids are getting a dog. If the President-Elect is like most of us dog lovers, who do you think will be the first out of the plane? "Hold the door for me Fido, I'm right behind you."

 I guess there is that one thing our species has... emotion. Unless training dogs is you life, emotion seems to be a more open door to human actions other than control of the pet that licks your face. (And where has that tongue been?) 

Dog joke: Guy takes his 'talking dog' into a bar. Bartender says, "Mister, if that dog can talk, I'll give you free beers all night."

"Bowser, what covers the outside of a tree?"

"Bark! Bark!"

Bartender says "You have to do better than that."

"Bowser, what is on top of a house?

"Roof! Roof!"

"Last chance," the bartender warns.

Sweating, the guy asks: "Bowser, who is the greatest baseball player of all times? Babe who?"

"Roof! Roof!"

As the guy and his dog pick themselves up from the pavement outside the bar, the dog, puzzled, looks at his master and asks, "I should have said DiMaggio?"
 

Thursday, November 6, 2008

If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands!

Poor guy...but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. John was a car crash victim who recovered well enough, but was left with a funny... er tragic, lingering side effect. He smiles all the time and talks a mile a minute.  The accident caused brain damage that has left John in a constant state of euphoria. So happily (as usual), he filed a lawsuit... which he won.

The judge found John pleasant enough, but his condition makes him irritatingly repetitive and annoying to be around.  You can bet that with this six-figure award, John laughed all the way to the bank.  

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

22 months...is that all there is to a campaign?

It's over. We have a president-elect. We won't have to watch any more dirty, rotten, mudslinging' "I approved this message" political commercials. When the phone rings, maybe it won't be Hank Williams Jr. or Bono telling me who to vote for. Maybe I won't have to select my candidate by listening to the horrible things each is saying about the other and vote for the lesser of two evils... until next time.  (OK...studies show it works. Should it? Is that all there is to an electorate?) 

Were campaigns always this long? Were they always this disgusting? I guess I don't want anyone I vote for to be or have an "attack dog." 

Canada puts a three-month limit on campaigns. I'm guessing other countries have some constraints. Here, our only constraint is 'how much money you have to spend.' And right there you have a reason most of us never have a chance to listen to a broader array of possibilities. If you don't win the January primaries in New Hampshire and Iowa and you aren't rich or your wife doesn't have her own fortune or you are not a front-runner, you are O-U-T. Do New Hampshire and Iowa actually pick our candidates? Did Dennis Kucinich ever get much air time other than on Saturday Night Live?

Let's be thankful that all of this won't start again until at least after the inauguration. And God bless our President elect. We need a good one.

Remember that episode of M.A.S.H...

... the one where Hunnicutt, on a medical trip to Japan, had a suit custom made? He talked about his pin-striped suit and its incredible bargain price the whole show. Hawkeye was jealous, to say nothing about Frank. The suit. The suit. The episode created high expectations of this incredible suit, custom made to Hunnicutt's exact measurements, for an unbelievably low price. Well, the show ended and as the credits rolled, Hunnicutt hollered from the next room that his suit had come. When he walked onto the final set, the crew just 'broke up' from laughter... real, tears-rolling- down-your-face laughter. Hunnicutt's incredible, custom-made pin striped suit was sewn with the stripes running horizontal. And it was funny.

Elsewhere, a real tailor was robbed by a dumb crook who took his money and ran. Police have a pretty good description of the guy. He is five feet, nine inches tall, weighs  165 pounds, has a 14 1/2-inch neck, 19-inch shoulders, 39-inch chest, 34-inch waist and 41-inches at the hip. Seems the crook let the tailor measure him for a suit before he pulled his gun.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Wasilla...the name rings a bell

I'm was sure I had heard of Wasilla before John McCain made Sarah Palin his running mate. Then I remembered.  A few years back, a Wasilla resident came home one night and saw a strange car parked in his driveway. Suspecting a 'breaking and entering' in progress, he took his shotgun (which was handy) and blasted all four tires. In Wasilla, they are pretty mavericky, you may recall. Then he called the police.  Before they got there, his best friend ran out of the house to see what the hell was going on... only to find his new car, which he had brought over to show his buddy, was sitting a little low these days.

Dumb Crooks & Stupid Sounding Lawsuits

I have always had a love for Dumb Crooks and Stupid Sounding Lawsuits. Thought they represent human nature at its most awry. You often find the best examples in the small print on some back-of-the-paper page, near the bottom...or in some blog, like this one. For example:

A confessed holdup man sued the guy he was holding up for $10,000. Said the victim pulled his own gun, thus endangering his (the crook's) life. Apparently the crook saw this as a "win-win" opportunity. 

Two burglary suspects led police on a 100-mph chase down a Florida interstate. They were finally captured when they stopped at a toll booth to pay 50-cents.

Texas police put out the word that they were looking for a "woman of interest" with a rose tattooed on her left breast. Well, I would guess so... but I think they meant, in relevance to a crime. They got more than they asked for when they received 300 (at last count) calls claiming they knew the woman. Conclusion: Either busy woman or rose-tattooed breasts are big (pun sort-of intended).

Here's one for you: A guy in Kentucky didn't have a nickel for 12-minutes time at a parking meter, so he took a chance anyway. An observant officer, arriving 5-minutes later, cited him for an expired meter, a one-dollar fine. When the officer discovered the parker already owed eight bucks for other parking violations, he had his car towed.
The parker, claiming the officer had no right to have his car towed, sued the city for $150,000 for towing damage to his car. 
The city then counter-sued asking $200,000 in penalties for failure to pay the outstanding eight bucks. 
The officer also sued, asking $350,000 for damage to his reputation.
Finally, the overtime parker sued the officer for $950,000 for the humiliation of having his car towed. 
For the want of a nail...er, nickel, the battle was lost...unless you are a lawyer.

And finally,  for now anyhow, a Missouri man, sentenced to spend "the rest of his natural life in prison," sued the state for his release. He claimed the pacemaker that was implanted in his chest, effectively ended his natural life. 


Thursday, October 30, 2008

IS IT EVER TOO EARLY?

Well yes. Yes it is. Two weeks before Halloween (October 31st, remember?) I saw my first "Season's Greetings" billboard bedecked in seasonal red and green garland. Now I dearly love the Christmas season but even Santa doesn't believe it starts before Halloween. Scrooge me, I don't even believe it starts before Thanksgiving. Does it seem to you that all the world is in a hurry to "get on with it?"

Enough! Time to get into the Halloween candy, grab myself a "Slow-poke," find my "bankie" with the silk edging and curl up in the corner for maybe my last moments of inner peace til January.