We're number 14! WE'RE NUMBER 14!, WE'RE NUMBER 14!!!!

I joyfully recall my daughter's cheer-leading camp comp- etition finale at the end of a hard week of cheer practice. The cheer leaders and their proud parents anxiously waited as the final results were about to be announced:

"In 14th place... THE DUNLAP HORNETS!"

Screams and cheers erupted as the Dunlap Hornets could hardly contain themselves. "We're number 14! WE'RE NUMBER 14!" ... and so it went as the number 13 squad and number 12 squad also erupted with wild cheers after their pronouncement... all down to (drum roll) the number 1 squad!

Everyone was so happy.

Well, get ready America! It should come as no surprise how excited we all were when the United States won the prize as... (drum roll) THE NUMBER 14th HAPPIEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!

Oh sure, Norway was the happiest country but the word is out... they cheat. Denmark (with Hans Christian Anderson making everyone smile), Iceland (how cold is that?), Switzerland (one word: the Alps), Netherlands (who could be happy in wooden shoes?), Canada (Canada?), New Zealand (Kiwis make them happy), Australia (with the cutest koala bears in the world), Sweden (yah, Sveden), Israel (where it's cool to be kosher), Costa Rica (si si, senor), Austria (the proud home of Amadeus Mozart and who doesn't love Sound of Music), the United States of America (we're number 14! YESSS!) and Ireland (they must have seen a snake).

So how is it that the richest country in the world that boasts more guns per capita (87 per 100 people), the brightest pencil in the box president, a congress that speaks its mind, not yours, the widest gap between the richest one-percent and all the rest of us, trickle down economy that wants those rich to get richer because it's good for us, the poor who benefit the most from trickle down (those lucky-stiffs), the NRA, the Koch brothers and Russia that help us decide what we think, the most school shootings in all the world, the home of the AR-15, semi-almost background checks to own a gun, young people who can buy a gun but can't drive a car without a license and the greatest difference between red and blue, can't be happier?

Beats me.