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Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Who will you vote for in 2020? There are, in fact, about 740 individuals and animals who have legally announced their candidacy for the most important job in the world.

So who to vote for... Sexy Vegan (real legally changed name) for President or another that sounds equally qualified?

But how would you know him? Easy: He announced his candidacy on the Dr. Phil show moon-walking across the stage in a Speedo, just seconds before being escorted off by security.

And, another big recognition plus: he has Sexy Vegan tattooed on his forehead.

True. All true.

That's him in the center. And he seems to be in good company.

In the United States, every naturally born American citizen, age 35 or older, living here for 14 or more years, can run for President. And as history has shown, anyone (more or less) can win.

Legal name, guess who?
If Sexy Vegan isn't your man, you might like Dan Behrman who says "Taxation is Theft" and will, upon becoming President, legalize pineapple pizza.

Maybe you like Pamela Rocker who's transgender platform, "One Human Race," has merit... PLUS everyone gets a free car.

The website Ballotpedia lists 272 Democratic candidates, 113 Republican candidates, 34 Libertarian candidates and 14 Green candidates plus lots of Independents as you would expect. Sure, the ones who we see crowding the debate stage in this and the last election are the ones who put their money where their mouths are, but there are lots of better and worse surprises in the field with ideas to please almost any voter, if just given the chance.

Feel sorry for candidate Billy Ruben who's handicap is that if you google his name, what you get is "orange to yellow bile pigment."

Seymour the Cat and Seven the Dog might run into age problems unless they are allowed to count each year x 7 ... oh, and the Supreme Court interprets in their favor. But hey, we could, or have already proven historically, anyone might be better. Personally, I like Seven over Seymour... you know how cats are. Sorry for that prejudicial statement, unfair to every cat in American. That (really) is against my principals. Just claw my eyes out.

I can see the problem. Is there a debate stage large enough to hold all the candidates? An informed voter is a good voter as we all know because we have social media.

So here is my proposal: With over 700 largely unknown candidates, we allow each 1 minute of free television time--about 13 or 14 hours-plus, not counting commercials--like a Presidential telethon, and require each to do one magic trick (so we will easily remember our favorite and can say "That's my man/woman/cat/dog because he/she/it came when called, sat on cue and shook hands," or whatever... but one magic trick for sure.

Of course, those 20 or 30 top candidates that we already  know will get tons of airtime because they have history. We have already heard their magic statements as to what they promise to do, and their love/hate ads will fill our television screens from now til November, 2020.

I'm certain this will work. Take THAT Russia!

Caveat: There are, I would believe, serious, level-headed candidates in the bunch who feel the call more or less, but maybe not every one. 

*Thank you Robert Granader, founder and CEO of for his opinion post in The New York Times a few  months back. He was my inspiration.

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