Something my 98-year-old mother taught me before she died: A primer on how better to live.

She was with the world, though feeble. She made us laugh and lived believing "into each life, a little rain must fall." 

"You know that story, 'Into your arms I will fall and there I will happily die' ?"

"Yes, mom. I remember," I answered because it made her happy.

"Well, she said, looking straight at me. "That's a lot of crap!"

Mom had a way with words. When she was 89, I dropped in one morning for coffee and noticed with some delight, a finished crossword puzzle sitting on her side of the table. Looking closer, I saw the first answer was not correct. Then, I saw a few more, then a lot more. 

"Mom," I asked, "there are some wrong answers here."

"I didn't say it was right," she told me, "I said it was done." 

Mom had a smile for everyone she passed, would stop and talk if she detected an opening. To her dying day, she could remember almost anyone she met when she saw them again, though she did have a propensity to tell the same story she heard or read, every 15 minutes or so. And therein, the lesson:

She was beloved because she was lovable. Never had an enemy except for that darned newspaper boy who would always put the plastic tie from his paper bundle into her convenient garbage can. "I think he's stalking me," she believed.

But the key was her smile. She would smile at the drop of a hat... and people would smile back. Is that the key to a better world? I wouldn't be surprised.

So is it a curse that gives us a pandemic to be best fought behind a mask? Love the mask/hate the mask... but wear the mask because it works... or not, says 'Karen.'

In our most hostile world of today, the collateral damage seems that every smile behind the mask is a smile that has no place to go, no return smile to see. And we desperately need that.

According to VeryWellMind.com promoting trusted mental health information, "Many see smiling simply as an involuntary response to things that bring you  joy or inspire laughter. While that is certainly true, it overlooks an important point: Smiling can be a conscious, intentional choice. It appears that whether your smile is genuine or not, it can act on your body and mind in a variety of positive ways, offering benefits for your health, your mood, and even the moods of people around you."

Smiling, it tells us...

• Helps you live longer
• Relieves stress
• Elevates mood
• Is contagious
• Boosts the immune system
• May lower blood pressure
• Reduces pain
• Makes you attractive
• Suggests success
• Helps you stay positive

Have you noticed, as I have, that in the super market, on the street or anywhere, people are not as genial or conversational or nodding as they were before the pandemic... before the mask. Oh, they may still smile but who can see it. The eyes don't convey a smile very well. That's the lips' job. and a whole face reveal. Besides, we are more concerned about maintaining those six-feet between us.

But of course, first things first... the pandemic, then, God willing, normal... whatever that may be.  "One for all and all for one"... wouldn't it be nice? We beat this thing then the smiles will come back because that's human nature. And, we will have one more reason to smile. We saved lives, we won. It is tomorrow.

So you say not wearing a mask is swell? Well, if that's you, then you probably don't smile that much anyway. Not wearing a mask appears to make you defiant, falsely proud, determined to strut "your legal rights," etc ... but those things don't create smiles. They create snarls or a firm-lipped resolve.

Visible or not, smilers still smile and show it. Even animals show 'happy.' (This information came from The New York Times monthly special segment for the young.)

• Octopuses change color to blend in to their surroundings, but when they are relaxed and happy, they fade to white.
• Kestrels (of the falcon species) says one expert 'fancier.' "When released, they soar high to the sky and then tumbling down, stopping just feet above the ground--over and over and over."
• Belugas  blow bubbles.
• Elephants wag their tails. 
• Dogs and cats... of course.
• Orangutans do it best. They just crack up. Well, we do share 97 percent of our DNA sequence so maybe through their evolution... and ours also, we smile.

 

"WELL I'LL BE A MONKEY'S UNCLE!"

Happy early Mother's Day mom. You were great!