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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

More proof!

You think it isn't nuts out there? Well, read more from these actual items that appeared in print.

From a column: One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers.

News bit: A deputy responded to a report of a vehicle stopping at mail boxes. It was the mailman.

Item: Army vehicle disappears...An Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage.

Theft: A woman in the 1900 block of Lane Northeast reported that someone must have stolen her mail because she did not receive birthday cards from some of her friends.

Headline: Fish need water, Feds say.

Ad: Get 50% off... or half price, whichever is less.

Item: Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.

Question of the day: Q. What constitutes a millionaire? A. A millionaire is someone who has $1 million, according to Mr. Blank, branch manager and senior vice president of investments at AG Edwards and Sons.

News: Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons.

Item: County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds.

Headline: Utah poison control center reminds everyone not to take poison.

News: Crack found in man's buttocks.

Item: A caller reported at 7:14 pm that someone was on a porch yelling "Help." Officers responded and learned the person was calling a cat that is named "Help."

Police report: 1:33 pm., Sonora--A man came to the Sheriff's Department to "find out how to legally kill" a person who was harassing him.

Report: An Edgewood man reported recently that his wife had gone missing some 18 months ago.

News: Police checking the area found an open door in the back of the building. An officer went inside and called out, "Marco." Police found the suspect after he responded, "Polo."

Ad: Full size mattress. Royal Tonic, 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. $40.

Wanted: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. PO Box 322, Oakview, CA. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

China Cabinet: Buffet, hutch solid pine. 6.5 tall x 4.5 wide. Lighted windows. Few cat scratches but cat has been killed. $700.

For Sale: Turkey. Partially eaten. Only eight days old. Both drumsticks still intact. $23.

Classified: 1995 Nissan Maxima, green, leather, loaded, CD, auto start, sunroof, 4-door, good condition, $4500. Not for sale

Burglary report: A 38-year-old Cole Avenue man reported that his home was invaded on Sept. 9. The man said that he was sitting home alone masterbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, hold a gun, and started to vieotape him. The man said that before he left, the intruder fed his dog some nushrooms and the dog died.

Need any more proof than that?

1 comment:

  1. Yes, more good proof of craziness in this world. If that stuff doesn't give a person fodder for writing, nothing will!