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Sunday, May 19, 2013

When I win the lottery...

... and odds are, I WILL... I know exactly what I am going to do with my spare change. I'm buying a little place here:


The arrow points to where my new home in the city will be... on one of the upper floors of the 84-story  cute, under construction residential building--the tallest in the Western Hemisphere--on Park Avenue at 56th Street in Manhattan... unless, of course, some current lottery winner, or someone else with a few extra dollars, beats me to the punch.

Yeah, I know. I just barely missed "the big one" this past week. I suppose I would have had a better chance had I bought a ticket. Details, details... who has the time? Lotteries though, are like buses... another will be along in a minute.

Remember though, I said WHEN I win... so it is just a matter of time. My current "to do" list reads:
  1. Buy ticket
  2. Win lottery
  3. Get friends with pick-up trucks to help move in
... and as the Guide to Successful People says, putting it on the list is the surest way to make it happen.

As for affordability, not to worry. An 8,255 square foot penthouse apartment (about the size of two nice bowling alleys, I would think) with 6 bedrooms, 7 full bathrooms and 2 half-baths is only $95 million. And common charges for weeding, mowing the lawn, etc. are only $17,805 a month. There is one extravagance I will allow myself... a wine cellar for my Mogen David and Billy Beer to be chilled at the perfect temperature, for just $378,000... but so vital for an oenophile's palate such as le mien (excuse my French, as they say).

I sure feel sorry for those foolish lottery winners who have no plan, because a buck here, a buck there and it is gone before they know it.

As for winning, it's as easy as 1-2-3. Look, who can't understand a 10-1 chance of winning. Got that? OK, so then go to 100-1... still with me? Then 1,000-1, then 1,000,000-1. So now, see how realistic 175,000,000-1 sounds? Not bad if you look at it that way, right? And it just gets simpler... there are only about 200 million different number combinations.

Psst: Look around. Are you alone? I am going to give you my sure fire secret-- and please, PLEASE, don't tell anyone else: Google "How to win Powerball lotto" and that covert website offers secret formulas. Why no one else has thought of that just amazes me... but, thinking it through, I am a college graduate. Just don't do it the same month I do, promise?

See you in New York, lucky.

3 comments:

  1. If the odds are 175,000,000-1, you've only got to enter 175,000,000 lotteries to be assured of winning. Easy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU ARE MENTALLY RETARDED

      Delete
  2. My condolences... seems you somehow didn't win this one. At least you have an awesome consolation prize headed your way tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete