Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Are you laughing with me... or at me?
OK, so you need more.
A rich American-Jewish widow is determined to rise in society. She hires coaches to help her shed her Yiddish accent and coarse ways. Once she feels ready, she registers at a restricted resort, enters the dining room perfectly coifed, wearing a basic black dress with a single string of pearls, and orders a dry martini--which the waiter accidentally spills on her lap.
The woman cries: "Oy vey! ... whatever that means!"
Or, as Jack Handey said in his book Deep Thoughts, "The crow seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."
He also said:
If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
Don't ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go the later you think you are.
Sorry ladies, I'm happily married.
PS: Thank you, Jack Handey, for being so funny... and to Ruth Wisse who just released her book, No Joke, for the joke.