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Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The day I never met Ben Affleck.. or did I? But first, a modestly less but still great fun story.

Ben Affleck? Hmm.
Sure, we have have our brushes with fame. I knew a guy from Peoria once who, at 40 was an IT guy at an insurance company and found no joy in that. So almost every day he wrote funny stuff on Twitter. Seth Meyers heard about it and hired him. Really!

Brian Donaldson, went to school with my kids and look where they are today. Is he really funny though, or is he a 'just from Peoria' novelty? From his Twitter feed:

  • My pants size is "these fit when I bought them."
  • My family was so Catholic growing up that we weren't allowed to hide eggs on Easter because my father said it promoted birth control.
  • "Hey 35-year-old on a Razor scooter, you can loose the helmet. The damage has already been done."
  • If you step on Trump's foot, his hair pops up just like a trash can lid.
  • Every time I read the same My Little Pony book to my daughter, I love her just a little bit less.
  • Do you ever feel like you're all alone and there's no-one around to turn for help? Don't worry. It goes away once you leave Home Depot.
  • The best thing for cleaning spilled hummus off the carpet is chips.
  • It's weird that coward doesn't mean "toward a cow."
And these are just things he wrote that I can blog about. (I have a "nothing my grand kids can't read' policy?) You can pick out stuff he probably wrote in Meyer's monolog.

Ben's wife, Jennifer Garner
--Just because, alright?
Now about this Affleck thing.  A few days ago my wife and I were having a gourmet breakfast at the local Panera's and she noticed two men eating on the patio... one looking very Ben Affleckish, the other kind of Spielbergish-- but not him. So we very casually (and coolly) kept looking, googling and looking some more.

We read that Ben has a golf movie coming up and noted that the search was on for a 'better golfing stunt double' in our golf crazy southern area. Hmm.

Just then, the two of them walked by us. Ben we read, is 6'2. This guy is 6'2'. So I asked, "Are you Ben Affleck... and if you aren't and can play golf, have I got a tip for you."

So they stopped, smiled and had a good time kidding each other about the item on my cell phone. Ben--I'll call him Ben (because that's his name, right?) seemed to recognize the trade press we had googled. He laughed and said "No, I'm not interested. Besides, I'm left handed." 

BINGO! Ben is left-handed and this guy (Ben) is left handed. He and his buddy were having a good time with it. We talked a little golf and kidded a little. Then they both thanked us and left.

So happened we all headed out the door at the same time and exchanged greetings like old friends--sort of.

I asked the other guy one more question. "Are you Matt Damon (which he wasn't)? Laughter and smiles...but... we got him, that handsome bugger. "Say hello to Jennifer for me," I waved. He promised he would.

PS: Little known fact: Ben is left handed. My son is left handed. About 10 percent of humans are left handed... but 1/3 of all chimpanzees are. Do they know something we don't?

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