A while back, a true believer decided to put her unofficial "Do not smoke... EVER... or else!" campaign to the test. When she saw a man smoking outside the foyer of her building, she gave him a shy smile and motioned him in. The man, somewhat flattered, entered with his lit cigarette. Our demure vigilante jumped to action.
"Cigarettes can damage your health," she screamed... "and here's how." She hit him on the head with a copper tea trivet, pulled his shirt through the sleeve of his jacket (I saw a magician do that once), then repeatedly stabbed him with a carving knife. She apparently showed some compassion stopping short of a 'full wedgie.'
As police tried to calm her, suggesting she may have been too 'up-tight' about the whole thing, she yelled, "I WAS A 40-A-DAY PERSON. I'VE DONE VERY WELL WITHOUT THEM. DO I LOOK TENSE!?"
Though unreported, the surprised victim probably asked, "You call that foreplay?"
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Tsk, tsk. The things people will do, just to get a little second-hand smoke. ;)
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