... but just perfect for my blog. For example:
- A guy arrested for slashing the tires of 45 or more cars in Colorado, explained to police that he had been overwhelmed by radiation from a nearby nuclear plant and, oh yeah, he had been forced by his mom to wear braces on his teeth as a child. Well that certainly makes sense.
- A German man was arrested for beating another with a swan. Said he had been in a park when he met a man with an offensive East German accent. Grabbing the nearest swan by its neck, he swung it mercilessly at the stranger, yelling "They should rebuild the (Berlin) wall right up to the sky because of you!" Neither the man or the swan suffered serious injuries. I guess the swan wasn't loaded... but the man was.
- The family of an English missionary who was eaten by cannibals on a Pacific island in 1839, received a formal apology from the descendants in a reconciliation ceremony... along with the promise to remove that recipe from its cook book. (You do know I made that last part up, don't you?)
- Steven Foster (not the dead songwriter but a supermarket clerk in England) returned $1.3 million that was wrongly deposited in his bank account by his employer. "At first, I just thought it was a Christmas bonus," he said. (I made that quote up, too.) Anyhow, the employer rewarded him with a case of Budweiser. (That's true.) Personally, I think a case of Fosters would have been more fitting.
- From the 'Well I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle' department: An Australian orangutan escaped from her enclosure using a stick to short-circuit the electric fence, then climbing out on a ladder she made out of debris. "We've had issues with her before where she tries to outsmart the keepers," said one of her keepers. I think she just did.
- A guy in New York was fed up with the poor customer service he was receiving from his bank, so he did the obvious. He sued them for $1,784 billion, trillion (1,784 followed by 21 zeros), plus $200,164,000, to teach them a lesson. The suit was eventually dismissed when it was noted that the dollar amount requested is more money than exists on earth.
- And finally, another New Yorker (do you notice a pattern here?) driving erratically, was pulled over and charged with a DUI. As the officer approached the car, he noticed the man climbing from the driver's seat into the back seat. The man then told the officer that, although he had been drinking, he was not the one driving. The officer did take note that there was no one else in the car.