Julia Childs, move over...

I've got a killer grape recipe... yeah, I said grape, as in pre-wine.

First: Go to the store (unless you have your own vineyard) and get the biggest, richest tasting, most luscious seedless grapes you can find... can be either red or green... or purple or white if you want to nit-pick.

Second: Take them home, of course, silly.

Third: Remove them from the stem, wash them, then put them on a towel to dry.


Now comes the tricky part: Put them all on a large-as-necessary flat baking pan, then stick it all in your freezer for however long it takes grapes to freeze.


Then, open that freezer and grab a handful... oh sure, they look and feel like marbles, but they make the most different and succulent treat you may have ever tasted! I'm hooked. Who needs wine when you have all this? Well, I guess we all need wine (heart-healthy, you know). And, contrary to an old saying, we really can have our cake and eat it too... which reminds me of a joke:

Paul was in love with Kate. Oh, how he loved that woman. The little minx, however, was quite a joker. She and her identical twin sister, Edith, who Paul didn't know existed, often switched places to see if they could fool him. And they did... time and again, much to their giggling delight. Nonetheless, Paul fell head-over-heels in love with Kate... or was it Edith? He really thought they were the same girl, so it presented a real dilemma when he proposed.

The girls confessed their little prank and poor Paul was so confused. "I never knew there were two of you... and I love you both so much."

Sadly, the girls had to tell him that he had to pick just one of them--rules you know.


The sad moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

OK, so you really will love the frozen grapes and one out of two isn't bad, right?... which reminds me of yet another great joke:

Harold was in bed with his wife one frigid winter night and to get warm, she put her cold, bare feet on his shirtless back. ""Oh my God, Margaret," he screamed, "your feet are like ice."

"Cold feet, warm heart," she replied, smiling wickedly.

"Well," her husband said, "One out of two isn't bad."