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Friday, February 25, 2011

Editor's note: OK...

 ... so I haven't blogged in two weeks. Hey! I've been busy. But that's even too long for me to feel good about... so while I'm working on the next post, I got a kick out of this one, which I wrote and posted about a year-and-a-half ago. Enjoy.

 

Laugh and the world laughs with you...

... or thinks you are some kind of a weirdo. In any case, these actual 1998 newspaper headlines are worth passing along. Why 1998, you might ask? Because that's all I could find. They are, however, timeless:


  • Include your children when baking cookies
  • Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
  • police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
  • Drunks get nine months in violin case
  • Iraqi head seeks arms
  • Is there a ring of debris around Uranus? (personal favorite)
  • Would-be women priests appeal to pope
  • Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over
  • Teacher strikes idle kids
  • Clinton wins budget; more lies ahead
  • Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
  • Miners refuse to work after death
  • Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
  • Stolen painting found by tree
  • Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout line
  • War dims hope for peace
  • If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while
  • Couple slain; police suspect homicide
  • Man struck by lightning faces battery charge
  • New study of obesity looks for large test group
  • Astronaut takes blame for gas in space
  • Kids make nutritious snacks
  • Local high school dropouts cut in half
  • Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead
Almost everyone who blogs loves to write. Thus, a pretty cute writer's joke:

A screenwriter comes home to his burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside.  "My God. What happened, honey?" he asks.

"Oh Jerry, it was terrible," she weeps. "I was cooking. The phone rang. It was your agent.  Because I was on the phone, I didn't notice the stove was on fire. The house went up in a second. Everything is gone! I nearly didn't make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is..."

"Wait. Wait!" the man says. "Back up a minute. My agent called?"

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