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Friday, January 30, 2009

More laughs with dumb crooks

According to an article, 'How not to rob a bank,' that appeared in a 1987 edition of The Old Farmers' Almanac, dumb crooks are apparently born, not made. For example:

At that time, 76 percent of bank robbers used no disguise, 86 percent never 'case' the bank they rob and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Now these numbers may be different today but the trend, no doubt, persists. Helpful 'suggestions' to would-be robbers:

Pick the right bank-- one robber tried to 'hit' a bank that was out of business and had no money. Another went to the bank his family used and ran into his mother.

Approach the right teller-- when given a hold-up-note, this teller leaped over the counter, wrestled the would-be robber to the ground and sat on him til police arrived.

Don't sign your hold-up note-- or write it on the back of your check or any envelope that has your name on it, for that matter.

Don't use vegetables-- a New York man tried to hold-up a bank with a zucchini, when perhaps a banana could have worked just as well.

Don't be too specific-- example: "I have a gun. Give me all your twenties." The teller said she had only two twenties, so the robber took them and he left.

Provide your own transportation-- don't count on a taxi, a bus or the car you took from the teller for your get-a-way. All have been tried and they didn't work.

Watch the exploding red dye packets-- and, for God's sake, if you insist on taking a wad of booby-trapped bills, don't stuff them down your crotch.

To all would-be bank robbers... avoid all of these 'no-nos' and don't let anyone tell you that you aren't smart enough to make up your own mistakes. You definitely are.

1 comment:

  1. Ha! I read a report online of a bank robber who had been amazed when he'd been caught because he was recognised from the CCTV footage: he was certain he was unrecognisable as he'd rubbed lemon juice all over his face which his friends had assured him would render him invisible to the cameras. Bless his foolish little heart.