More laughs with dumb crooks

According to an article, 'How not to rob a bank,' that appeared in a 1987 edition of The Old Farmers' Almanac, dumb crooks are apparently born, not made. For example:

At that time, 76 percent of bank robbers used no disguise, 86 percent never 'case' the bank they rob and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Now these numbers may be different today but the trend, no doubt, persists. Helpful 'suggestions' to would-be robbers:

Pick the right bank-- one robber tried to 'hit' a bank that was out of business and had no money. Another went to the bank his family used and ran into his mother.

Approach the right teller-- when given a hold-up-note, this teller leaped over the counter, wrestled the would-be robber to the ground and sat on him til police arrived.

Don't sign your hold-up note-- or write it on the back of your check or any envelope that has your name on it, for that matter.

Don't use vegetables-- a New York man tried to hold-up a bank with a zucchini, when perhaps a banana could have worked just as well.

Don't be too specific-- example: "I have a gun. Give me all your twenties." The teller said she had only two twenties, so the robber took them and he left.

Provide your own transportation-- don't count on a taxi, a bus or the car you took from the teller for your get-a-way. All have been tried and they didn't work.

Watch the exploding red dye packets-- and, for God's sake, if you insist on taking a wad of booby-trapped bills, don't stuff them down your crotch.

To all would-be bank robbers... avoid all of these 'no-nos' and don't let anyone tell you that you aren't smart enough to make up your own mistakes. You definitely are.