Monday, July 5, 2010
Hey, haven't I told you... It's Nuts Out There
She(?) is a seated, 4-foot tall beauty with flashing eyes and plastic pig-tails. The metal ministsress wore a wreath of flowers and could probably kick Godzilla's a** around the block (if she could walk) because she has divine power backing her up. The bride wore... aw, who cares what the bride wore.
After the ceremony, which made many cry because it was so tender and sweet, I-Fairy, in her most pleasant R2-D2 voice, told the groom to "Please lift the bride's veil..." and waved her cute little robotic arms as the married couple kissed.
The I-Fairy sells for $68,000 and is performing marriages in Singapore, the U.S. and Japan. How touching! Already married or being remarried? This would be GREAT for you too... kind of a good luck fortune cookie thing--oh, sorry. That's Chinese.
A very British woman got quite a shock last week. Suffering from a severe migraine, she went to the hospital for treatment. "I dare say, I have a trifling headache," she told them in a Dame Edna voice. "Would you be a dahling and make it go ta-ta?" When she awoke there the next day, loved ones were astonished to hear her say, "No tickee, no laundry" in a very Chinese-sounding voice. Her family says they cannot recognize her on the phone.
Doctors diagnosed her condition as 'foreign accent syndrome' and advised her that she may never get her original voice back. Upset, and sounding like she came straight off the sampan, she said "I no likee. I never even be to China."
A Texas good samaritan was handcuffed and jailed for trimming bushes in a city park. Telling police she was just trying to keep the park neat and clean was no excuse... she broke the 'cutting public foliage' law and as we all know, ignorance of the law is no excuse. Ignorance of the police in how best to handle the matter however, now that's another thing. Latest update: Woman now serving 3 to 5 in the city jail. Says the judge, "You can't be soft when it comes to stopping crime." (You do know that I made that last part up, don't you?)
Riverdale High (that's where Archie, Jughead, Veronica and Betty go to school) has enrolled its first openly gay student, Kevin Keller. The comic book publisher says Kevin enrolled at Riverdale High to keep the strip "current and inclusive." I wonder how Betty and Veronica will handle this handsome blue-eyed blond dreamboat? Better yet, how will Archie and Reggie do? I know Moose will beat the crap out of him. Next thing you know, they will have a 'negro' and an 'hispanic person' there too. Oh, by the way, the gang has been going to Riverdale now for 70 years. They may still look good but must be as dumb as a box of rocks. And how about Mr. Lodge, Veronica's father. He turns 140 June 14th.