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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

"Mawidge is what bwings us together today... "

Statistically, most of us are married. And about half of all marriages end in divorce. And most of those divorced, remarry. Yes, most of us men/women, men/men, women/women, love marriage so much that we do it 1.4 times on average. (Statistics back this up, but they are confusing, so I've made your life easier by totally avoiding them. None of that mumbo-jumbo for my readers.)

Truly, "Mawidge is what bwings us together today... " 

And if you haven't seen Princess Bride, perhaps the most fun movie ever made... and the only one featuring Andre' the Giant, shame on you. What movie can you name that includes Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Chris Sarandon, Christopher Guest, Andre' the Giant, Fred Savage, Robin Wright, Peter Falk, Peter Cook and Billy Chrystal?

FYI: Most marriages: An East coast groom married 28 times, only stopping to die at 88. (So that's the secret to long life. All this time I thought it was eating vegetables.) Not surprising, same guy holds the record for the most divorces... 27. (Side note: An Indiana lady has been married 24 times and is coming up fast on the rail).

Most brides, least divorces: Easy... polygamist Warren Jeffs who is on trial now for having marital bliss with his 12-year-old bride... one of his "100 or so" wives. Least number of divorces: tied for the record with none. Jeffs wants his followers to build him a mansion as big as a Holiday Inn in anticipation of his triumphant return home. Heck. He's no dummy. The guy will get rich just on the tips that are left for the cleaning maids. I do see a bigger problem... how does he keep from calling Stephanie, Suzanne... and Annette, Angelina... and Bernadette, Hey... You... er, what's your name again, sweetie?

Crazy mixed up bride and groom:  The white American couple who had a black baby when she became pregnant just by watching a 3D porno film. Now THAT'S realism. I wonder if she had to keep those special glasses on? Her husband said "I see no reason not to believe her as those 3D films are very lifelike. With the technology of today, everything is possible."

The wife and her girl friends had gone to see how a porno movie looked with 3D effects. GREAT, they obviously concluded. "A month after watching the film," she said, "I found I was pregnant." And the child, it is reported, looked exactly like the black male lead. The couple is suing the movie theater and the producer of that very realistic film, which has to be a "shoo-in" for a Special Effects Academy Award.

Best right hook for a bride: Rupert Murdock's 42-year-old wife who floored a protestor trying to assault hubby Rupert, age 80, with a shaving cream pie in the face.

Most children in a marriage: 69... really? At least that's what Guinness says. A woman and her husband, in a land far, far away (Russia), a long time ago (1700s), had 16 pair of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quads. Hmm. Documentation in the pre-pencil days only works well if you are writing the bible.

Longest marriage: 86 years... by a NC couple... both living into their hundreds... or as they tell it... at least it seemed like 86 years.


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