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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Another damn post on happiness

Geeze... get off my back already. I'm happy, ok? Can't you tell? So shut up!

Alright. Here's what this is all about. A few recent studies have shown that, on the happiness scale, about 64% of us say we are very happy... like an 8 out of 10 in happiness. That paints a pretty happy American picture... perhaps skewed somewhat because happiness really is hard to measure. I knew a guy who laughed once (at his own stupid joke)... just once in all the years I knew him. He said, with a gruff frown, "I'm happy, damnit!"

Now I'm more willing to go along with the Center for Disease Control and Prevention's study. It tried to quantify how happiness might be measured. Married people, for example, and wealthy people tend to appear happier than poor alone sorts. Well duh!

Those who had access to clean water, medicine and other life essentials are happier than those who are hopelessly sick and drink fetid water. Hmmm. So far, I get it.

Anyhow, that study of a large sample, 350,000 people, showed which states are the happiest. If you are really slap-happy (you laugh inanely for no apparent reason), then you would live in Louisiana, Hawaii, Florida, Tennessee and Arizona... the top five.

New York, not surprising to me, is dead last, just ahead of Connecticut, Michigan, Indiana and New Jersey... the bottom five. I live in number 13, so ha ha ha.

Does it seem coincidentally strange that the top five are all 'no winter' states... relatively speaking, and people who live in the bottom five say things like, "I really love the snow, don't you," or "Nothing makes you feel so alive as a brisk 20 degrees below zero, wind-in-your-face day."

Now here's another measurement to worry about. Bored people are two-and-a-half times more likely to die of heart problems, says a British study. Boredom may be a sign of depression or associated with an unhealthy lifestyle... smoking, drug use, lack of exercise.

So here's the bottom line. If you live in New York and are bored, WATCH OUT! On the other hand, if you live in Louisiana, you could die giddily happy in a hurricane.

Take this happiness test... If you find any of these funny, you may be ok. If you don't, then maybe you deserve what you get:

Doctor, you've got to help me; I can't stop thinking I'm a goat.
I see. And how long have you had this problem?
Ever since I was a kid.

A woman goes into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'd just as soon have a baby as get a tooth pulled."
The dentist says, "Make up your mind. I have to adjust the chair."

"I'm sorry to tell you," the doctor says, "but you only have about five minutes to live."
"Oh, my God, Doctor, isn't there anything you can do for me?"
"Well, would you like me to boil you and egg?"

Ta-dah!

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