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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Ever wonder what the hell to blog about?

Nothing seems to fit together... you have this and that, but no theme... and having just cleaned up after your dog, your senses are numbed.  So, getting desperate, you say, "OK. I'm going to write about everything all at once." Satisfied with that stroke of genius, you begin:

If this doesn't have you shaking your head, then you are not a bobble-head doll... or too dense to get the irony. In South Carolina, two black high-schoolers were awarded a $150,000  settlement against their school because other black students mocked them for "acting white."  Their lawyer said the school had an obligation to protect them from racial harassment and "to do well in school is considered acting white... that is part of why we're saying that it was racial." Wait... huh? Sad, actually.

The 8.8 magnitude earthquake that hit Chile was about 100 times more powerful than the one in Haiti. (It's a Richter Scale thing.) Want to know how powerful that is? Well, it MOVED the capital city, Santiago, about 11 inches to the west/southwest... the Chilean city of Concepcion is actually 11 feet further west! And no, I don't know how they measured it... don't ask stupid questions. That's my job.

Think that's a big deal? The six- mile wide meteor that hit Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula a mere 65 million years ago-- the one that scientists believe wiped out the dinosaurs-- altered earth's orbit by 3 1/2 inches! Now I know... for that, they borrowed God's GREAT BIG TAPE MEASURE.

All this does is confirm my theory. If China, with it's 1.3 billion people, really wanted to threaten the rest of the world, all it would have to do is tell all of its people to stand perfectly still until an agreed-upon split second, then jump up and down at the exact same time. Whammo! end of earth... either that or it will bring the dinosaurs back and prove once and for all that Godzilla was real. (He certainly looked real in the movie.)

Usain Bolt, the world-record holder of the 100-meter dash and acknowledged "fastest man on earth, hits the tape at about 28 miles per hour in just 9.69 seconds. How impressive is that? Compared to a cheetah, not much, but if you consider, from the starter's gun to the breaking of the tape, 42 babies were born in the world... more if one of the mothers was Octomom. Now I am impressed.

A Wyoming University study determined the real limitation on running speed is the rate at which muscles in the body can contract and propel the limbs forward. By analyzing muscle fibers and running lots of tests, it was theorized that a human, running a perfect race, could hit 40 mph! That would give him a 6.67 second, 28 baby, 100-meter dash... and leave Bolt some 40 yards behind.

World record for driving a truck the most miles with cardboard completely covering the front windshield has to go to the Chinese guy who didn't have time to fix the cab's shattered glass. So he punched a few eye holes in the makeshift cardboard 'windshield' and alternated seeing by using the holes to see and sticking his head out the driver's side window. How far did he drive in the bitter cold? Would you believe 400 miles? When he was finally pulled over by observant police, his face was a windblown bright, Barney-like purple.

A joke... always end a lame post with a joke:

Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you ever seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.


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